“Comparison will kill you.”
I never thought much of the saying when I was in high school. I believed that people only said the term in films or self-care videos to spark a flare for the dramatics. It wasn’t until entering college and falling down a comparison spiral of my own that I realized the saying rang true.
Teenagers and young adults typically unintentionally compare themselves to something, whether it’s the past version of ourselves, friends, celebrities, or even family. We tend to dissect the layers of our identity and evaluate it with someone either doing better or worse than us. With social media integrating itself within our daily lives, it’s become much easier to get trapped into comparing yourself to someone for hours.
Comparison in a positive lens encourages us to strive for growth, allowing us to measure up to the goals we set for our lives. In contrast, comparison in a negative sense can diminish our self-worth and leave us feeling defeated.
When I graduated high school in 2020, everyone’s world was flipped upside down by the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. Transitioning from constantly seeing my friends in person at school to now talking to them through a phone screen brought a feeling of overwhelming isolation.
The first instance I realized that I was negatively comparing myself to others was during college acceptance season. As people from my high school announced the various institutions they were attending the upcoming fall, I began to feel jealous. At the time, I had no clue what school I wanted to go to or the major I wanted to pursue. I scrolled through my timeline for hours, negatively criticizing myself with every acceptance letter I saw.
As time progressed and I began college, my negative comparison spiral continued to fester. I began to dissect my college experience and compare it to my high school and college friends. I would criticize myself for not living up to the college experience when I rejected invitations to parties or outings. I would blame myself for not making large friend groups or joining more clubs. I would spend excessive amounts of time comparing and criticizing myself to the lives of everyone on social media. I was constantly jealous of my friends and reached a point where I believed that everyone was happier than I was, making me feel exhausted and alone.
Comparison did kill me; It killed my individuality and my strength. It left me forgetting my identity and replacing it with different pieces of others’ lives. I hated feeling jealous of my friends’ accomplishments when they merely wanted to share aspects of their lives with me. I hated feeling like a stranger was staring back at me when I looked at the mirror. I wanted to change, but I didn’t know where to look. That is until I took a break from social media entirely.
During my Sophomore year of college, I decided to delete my Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok accounts. At first, I was hesitant because the life I formulated for years on the internet would disappear in seconds. I reluctantly agreed with the encouragement of my best friends, and I instantly felt a weight off my shoulders when the accounts were all finally gone. I began to use my phone less and less often, I went outside more and focused on my studies, and I didn’t feel any pressure to act or look a certain way.
During my time off of social media, it allowed me to analyze my negative habits and devise an effort to stop these patterns from persisting. Here are some tips I’ve learned when battling comparison:
Take breaks!
When you feel like having social media is damaging your mental health rather than helping it, it may be a sign to take a short social media break. Staying off from social media for an extended period can help you stay grounded in reality and the outside world while also limiting the amount of access you have for self-comparing tendencies! In my case, I deleted Instagram for five months and created a new account when I was 100% ready to start over again.
Recognize your uniqueness!
It may be easy to compare yourself to your friends or celebrities but remember you don’t know people’s lives behind closed doors! Everyone is on their own journey and on the right path for themselves. Do not fool yourself into believing you are behind or not enough compared to others. Just support others with love and compassion but recognize the worth and beauty in yourself! Compliment yourself on recent achievements, whether big or small.
Seek advice from professional help or a trusted person!
I started therapy around the same time I deleted social media, and it was an outstanding resource that allowed me to learn tips and tricks when I would have panic attacks or overthinking spirals. See if your school provides resources for on or off-campus therapy sessions. If you’re not yet comfortable talking to a therapist, seek advice from a trusted family member or friend. My best friends were always a phone call or text away when I needed advice. Talking to a friend is also beneficial because they may relate or are experiencing the same situation as you!
It’s okay to compare yourself from time to time!
It’s by nature that we as a society compare ourselves to others. Don’t be hard on yourself when you witness your negative self-comparison tendencies. Self-comparison is bound to happen whether you want to or not, so it’s crucial to recognize and move forward.
As my sophomore year concludes, I recognize that I don’t regret the choices that have led me to this point. As I grow older, I realize that every mistake and regret allows me to grow and mature into a better person. Learning the positives and negatives of comparison has allowed me to write this, which in turn may help someone who’s struggling right now! Overcoming comparison is not a linear journey, but; it is something that you can fight against and come out a new person!
Have you ever compared your life to someone on social media? What are some ways you overcame it? Let us know @HerCampusSJSU!