Everywhere you look, your classmates seem to have it all figured out as they sprint from class to work to the gym looking effortlessly. Meanwhile, your laundry pile has evolved into a small mountain, and your energy’s running on fumes halfway through the semester.
You can’t help but wonder: how do they make it look so easy? Why does everyone else seem to be gliding while you’re still figuring out how to stand upright?
In truth, everyone is facing their own challenges and experiencing various uphill battles. Most students are stressed, exhausted, or scared about the future, while they pretend everything is perfect.
As soon as one assignment is finished, another one gets assigned, and there is barely even time to breathe. Most students burn out from the endless deadlines they have to meet. On top of this, there’s the pressure of having to plan a future. As a result, students struggle with trying to maintain a perfect facade.
Welcome to the college comparison trap, a common mindset where you compare yourself to what you see from others.
Instead of focusing on your own progress and goals, you start to judge yourself based on how others seem from the outside. You can see all your own insecurities and flaws, but you only see others’ confidence and strengths.
The comparison trap doesn’t actually start in college, though. For many people, it has been there since childhood.
In elementary school, comparison was more subtle. Some students were placed in “advanced” reading groups while others stayed at the regular level. In school libraries, certain reading levels could only access the books in their reading level.
In high school, if you were not taking advanced or AP classes, you might have also found yourself comparing yourself to the people who were taking them. By the time we reach college, comparison almost feels normal.
Why We Fall Into This Trap
In college, there’s this unspoken sense of competition to become successful, whether it’s driven by social lives, grades, internships, or jobs. The fear of failure is real, and admitting to failure feels risky in such a highly judgemental environment like college.
Nobody wants to look like they’re struggling, so we only see the “good” side of people. Society places so much emphasis on reaching certain milestones at a certain age. Some of these might be graduating on time, getting a job, getting married, or moving out.
Some students might have non-traditional paths, so their progress looks different. It can seem like they’re behind their peers, but in reality, they are moving at their own pace.
Social media also plays a much bigger role than you might think. Sites like LinkedIn allow people to post their academic and career accomplishments, and apps like Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat allow people to post their seemingly thriving social lives.
Social media filters what your peers are actually going through. Comparing yourself to this filtered version of people will always cause you to feel like you’re behind.
Recognizing the college comparison trap is the first step to freeing yourself from it. College is meant to be a time of exploration and learning. It’s not a competition.
Success is not defined by how fast you’re moving or how perfect you look from the outside.
How to Avoid the Comparison Trap
One way is to start focusing on your own progress rather than other people’s. If you set your mind to something, you will improve, gain skills, and learn more about what you want through experience.
Another way is to know how to limit social media. Social media can either inspire you or destroy your confidence. It’s best to unfollow, mute, or avoid looking at accounts that make you feel bad about yourself.
What you choose to consume can make a huge difference. It might not seem like you have control over what you see on social media, but you can certainly limit your use.
One of the biggest surprises in college is realizing that the people who seem the most confident are the ones who struggle the most. Opening up to friends or classmates when you have the chance can help you realize that you’re not alone.
Define your own idea of success; don’t base it off what you see from others. Some people graduate in five years, some people change majors, some people take breaks, and many don’t know what they want yet. All of these are valid paths to take.
Everyone’s journey is different. Life is truly what you make out of it, so focus on what helps you grow as an individual.
Have you ever fallen into the comparison trap? Let us know @HerCampusSJSU!