When I lived in Nacogdoches, there was a man on campus who occasionally went out of his way to follow me and try to make small talk. I enjoy meeting new people in the proper environment, but I had an eerie feeling about this guy. I always felt guilty about it, because I thought it came from judging him unfairly before getting to know him. I didn’t tell anyone about it, because I doubted the validity of my discomfort.
While I was microwaving my dinner in the Griffith Hall lobby one night, I overheard another woman frantically telling her Community Assistant (CA) about a man that kept approaching her. She looked like me— short, tan, dark haired. She told her CA that he always made her uncomfortable, but hadn’t significantly bothered her until he waited for her outside of the student center and followed her home. She ended up running to a dorm that wasn’t hers until she knew he wasn’t around to see where she lived.
I kindly interrupted her to ask if he had the traits of the man that regularly approached me. The more we spoke, the more we were sure it was the same man. When we discovered we were both Filipino, I jokingly said, “He has a type!” But I was immediately disturbed as soon as the words came out of my mouth.
While being attracted to certain physical traits is harmless, it is problematic to give yourself the entitlement to harass a particular group of people. A week later, I caught a glimpse of him trying to sit with another short, tan skinned, dark haired girl in the cafeteria. No matter how much you admire someone, it is not worth disrespecting their space and making them uncomfortable.
Photo by Daina Phillips for Her Campus at SFA
Most people I know have had an experience where their physical and/or emotional safety was compromised. While some stories are more disturbing than others, too many of these instances have occurred, and people have the right to be protective of their time and space. It’s not your duty to prove that “there are good guys out there.” If you have to go against common courtesy to speak to someone you’re interested in, then you are shooting your shot where there is no basketball net.
Going out of your way to make someone uncomfortable in order to prove your worth makes you the bad guy – not the person who is not interested in having a conversation with you. If you desire to exemplify good character, the best thing to do is let that stranger go about their day unbothered.