Bob Marley said, “If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy.” While this sentiment sounds appealing at first glance, it reflects an unhealthy value system for romantic relationships.
Photo by Daina Phillips for Her Campus at SFA
The value of one’s character should not be measured by their unattainability. While the relentless, romantic pursuit has been the major plotline for countless movies, books, and tv series, it is not quite as heroic in real life. Glorifying a romantic interest for “playing hard to get” is a harmful way to respond to disinterest. Rejection is not an invitation to keep trying, and that should be respected. It is not healthy to feel pleasure from making people uncomfortable. Besides, it’s in your best interest to pursue someone who equally wants to pursue you.
There are situations where “the chase” is worth enduring. For example, it’s important to struggle through finals so you can get a college degree and live a full life after graduation. Perhaps it takes several entry-level jobs and internships to establish your career. In those cases, it’s necessary to push through several dreadful steps to reach your goals. But human beings aren’t goals to reach, nor are they prizes to be won. Dating someone shouldn’t feel like an uphill battle where the other person is consistently on a different page than you.
Photo by Daina Phillips for Her Campus at SFA
Relationships require a good amount of effort. Even healthy couples go through difficulties. But that effort isn’t worthwhile if both parties aren’t working towards mutual commitment and communication. A one-sided pursuit towards a relationship only elicits weak foundation. If you get a thrill from pursuing people who are “playing hard to get,” then you are attracted to the chase, not the person themselves.
To counter Bob Marley, I’d say – If they’re amazing, it’s because of their character, intelligence, and the way they treat other people. It might be easy if they share the same core values and like you too. Otherwise, it’s okay to move on to somebody who can reciprocate the feelings and effort you exert.