I won’t be the first to say it: self-isolation is difficult. And for many of us, “difficult” is an understatement. Although our smiling quarantine selfies may suggest otherwise, the COVID-19 pandemic has triggered the most painful time in many of our lives—but is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
Within the first weeks of self-isolation, I, like many others, thought that everything would go back to “normal” in the blink of an eye. If I keep myself busy with schoolwork and new hobbies, COVID will be gone and done before I know it, I thought. I funneled my energy into baking bread, going on daily walks, sewing, journaling, meditation—you name it, I tried it. But, as days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, the dark thoughts I tried so desperately to ignore began to surface. I had to face it—I was lonely, and I was scared.
There comes a point when we have to face our demons. Baking bread and journaling can only distract us for so long. When we turn our lights out at night and lay in bed, there’s no more denying the fear.
If you’re like me, you push away your feelings at all costs. When the pandemic began, convincing myself that things were fine was easier than working through my emotions. I let all of the sadness, fear, and anxiety build up until I was at my breaking point. And then, all at once, I burst.
I was forced to deal with the emotions I had been harboring for weeks and it was no easy feat. The feelings that surfaced were near debilitating, and I was held tight in their grip with no end in sight. And through it all, I was alone.
Loneliness, as many of us have found over the past months, can bring out the worst in us. It shoves us off our tightrope into the vast unknown. Perhaps worst of all, it leaves us with thousands of “what if’s.” What if this pandemic never ends? What if I’m alone forever? What if I get sick?
After much self-reflection, I realized that in a world full of divide and fear, we must self-advocate and understand that we are the only ones capable of initiating change. We must face the darkest parts of ourselves, no matter how difficult it may be.
The only thing in life that we truly have control over is how we see ourselves. To see ourselves for who we really are, we must be willing to look at the parts that we would rather keep hidden. As I have found, vulnerability is what will allow you to fall in love with yourself. I promise you’ll find peace and light in yourself if you take the time to find it.
The moment we learn to accept and validate our feelings is the moment that we will see a light at the end of the tunnel. Rather than thinking of self-isolation as an impossibly high hurdle, think of it as a highway to self-love. Sure, the highway may have some bumps here and there, but you’ll find yourself along the way. Once you do, you’ll never want to look back.
Being alone doesn’t have to mean loneliness. Let it amount to something greater.