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Couple holding hands at Sunset
Couple holding hands at Sunset
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Life

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

Olivia Francis
The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter.

A few years ago, I sit on my bed, scroll through Tubi on my Roku TV and land on “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”. Obviously, I watched it because I had been wanting to see it for so long, and when I tell you that movie altered my brain chemistry, I’m not kidding. But one of the main things that I still remember is the quote Mr. Anderson, played by Paul Rudd, said to Logan Lerman’s character Charlie.  

For context, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” is a movie adaptation of the well-known story told by Stephen Chbosky that follows Charlie on his journey through his first year of high school. In this scene, Charlie goes to Mr. Anderson for advice, as a few nights ago, Charlie walked in on his sister, played by Nina Dobrev, being slapped in the face by her boyfriend during a heated argument the two had endured. With the way the sister reacted to Charlie trying to step in, viewers can infer that this has happened before. So, Charlie goes to the one person he trusts at school. To me, what Mr. Anderson tells Charlie is one of the most influential quotes in the entire film.  

Charlie looks at Mr. Anderson and asks, “Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?” and Mr. Anderson proceeds to say, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”  Ever since watching that scene a couple of years ago, I still think about that quote to this day because of how true it is. We really do accept the love we think we deserve. 

The reason this quote has been on my mind so much is because I have seen it with my own eyes. For example, back in high school, someone I used to be friends with was in an extremely toxic relationship. So, when she asked me for advice, I told her that I thought it would be in her best interest to leave, but she kept telling me that he would change, and this was only a one-time thing. Lo and behold, it wasn’t, and he just became even more toxic. Although she ended up leaving him, I never understood why she continued to be in a relationship that was draining her. But ever since I heard those words come out of Paul Rudd’s mouth, it all made sense.   

This is why self-love is so essential. If we feel like we don’t deserve to be loved unconditionally, we will gravitate towards people who feel the same way. But if we believe that we are worthy of all the love this world has to offer, we will find someone who treats us like we are the best thing to happen to them. So, this Valentine’s Day, besides loving someone else, look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” 

Olivia Francis is a second-year member of the Her Campus at SBU chapter. She oversees the site’s culture, entertainment, and wellness verticals on the site, including mental health, relationships, TV shows, and movie coverage. Olivia is currently a second-year student majoring in Communications, Social Justice & Advocacy at St. Bonaventure University. Beyond Her Campus, Olivia has been published in many anthropologies over the years through an organization called Young Writers. She is also one of the leading coordinators for SBU's Break The Bubble. In her free time, Olivia enjoys writing poetry and short stories, along with taking walks while listening to her favorite music genres on Spotify such as Pop or R&B. One of her goals is to travel the world someday and explore new foods and customs. An interesting fact about Olivia is she is not only the first college gen student but, she is the first female in her family to go for a higher education.