I feel like, at one point, we all were under the impression that self-care was an aesthetic. The kind you see on TikTok when you should be studying for a quiz, but instead, you’re watching some influencer with perfect hair pouring matcha into a glass that is worth more than your meal plan. She does her 12-step skincare routine, journals in handwriting that looks like it came off of Pinterest, and suddenly her life is together.
Somewhere between my first class and fourth mental breakdown over the amount of work I have to do, I realize that self-care is not the cute, curated thing I thought it was. It is way more than just skincare and a fun drink. It’s harder and honestly way more important.
Self-care, for me, is sometimes doing the thing you have been avoiding since we got back from break. Maybe it’s saying no when you feel overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s finally having a good cry in the shower after pretending you’ve been fine for too long. It’s something no one is really posting on TikTok.
The part of self-care I hate to accept is that it involves discipline, responsibility, and doing what your future self needs, not what present you wants. Things like going to bed instead of scrolling or actually eating breakfast instead of surviving on coffee on an empty stomach can be small steps of self-care. Although not cute or aesthetic, it’s the stuff that keeps you from falling apart.
Occasionally, self-care is also about setting boundaries, which some may say is the scariest self-care of all.
For a long time, I thought boundaries were rude, and I always felt like I had to say yes or people would think I was mean, boring, or selfish. I have learned, though, that saying yes to everything ends up feeling like a full-time job. Learning to say no is like a breath of fresh air; it feels like freedom. Self-care is also about protecting your time, energy, and peace, even when you feel uncomfortable or scared.
Self-care looks different for everyone; some people recharge by being alone, and others recharge by being around friends. For me, though, self-care is protecting my peace, doing things for future me, and more.
I used to think self‑care was supposed to feel good in the moment. Now I’m realizing it’s supposed to make your life feel better overall. And those are not the same thing.