My entire life, I have told myself the same thing: “I want to be skinny.” Ever since I was a child, that has always been my goal for my body. Growing up overweight, I convinced myself that being “skinny” would fix all of my problems. And I truly believed this, until it brought me more harm than good.
Something I have recently come to terms with in the last year or so was my struggle with Anorexia during the second semester of 2025. Through this, I was able to shape myself through unhealthy habits into what I believed was “skinny.” During this time, however, I was very content with the vision for myself of being skinny. I remember distinctly wanting to continue losing more weight in hopes of getting even smaller. I was mentally sick and wanted to be as small as I could.
And although I may have looked “skinny,” my body was suffering. I was constantly freezing; this was extremely difficult for me, especially in the winter. My hair was coming out in clumps in the shower because my body was trying to preserve energy. I went through various breakdowns where I ended up bingeing on food because of how badly I had been struggling. I had never, in my time away at school before this, come home multiple times during a semester, until this time period.
I was suffering even though I just looked like the stereotypical skinny girl.
Throughout my recovery, the part of my life that I wanted to keep was working out, as it had become something that gave me joy. But instead of doing large amounts of cardio and under-eating afterward, I had to break the pattern. I started to lift weights as I wanted to gain muscle. I wanted to become the strongest version of myself as opposed to the skinniest. And although it was scary, I knew I needed to do this as a part of my healing.
Over the last year, skinny has become trending all over social media. People who are losing large amounts of weight through medication or through eating disorders. I open my phone every single morning to social media, and all I see are people who are clearly under-eating. And all I can do is think back to how this was my reality over a year ago.
Not solely because of this, but it has been a major inspiration for me to use my social media platform for eating disorder awareness. Because I once was so focused on how I looked that even when my body was clearly failing, that was an afterthought for me.
Sometimes even I want to slip back into my old habits. So I have to remind myself why I am doing this. I have not only become physically stronger but also mentally stronger. Being able to run 5 miles opposed to barely being able to run one mile without feeling like I would pass out. I am continuously going up in weights over time as my strength increases. My quality of life has become more than I ever would have dreamed of when I was ill.
I would take the strong, capable body I have now over my sick, skinny one any day. And I invite each and every one of you to choose the strongest version of yourself over the skinniest.