As many people know from my past articles, I am in recovery from anorexia. I started my recovery in July 2025. This journey has been one of the most difficult things I have put myself through. It was a necessary decision for my health. But that does not mean it was an easy one to make. For the majority of my journey, I have been able to remain strong even though I still tend to have these negative thoughts. However, this week has been the hardest for me in my entire recovery.
One of the things I have learned through this experience is that I am able to thrive in recovery when I am busy. If I keep myself busy with school or hobbies, I have less time to think about the negative thoughts that used to consume me. This week has been a lighter workload week for me. I have had a lot of time to sit and think. Not only that, but Daylight Saving Time has also caused me to feel gloomier than normal. The combination of both of these has caused my negative thoughts about myself and food to resurface.
Due to this, I have wanted to go back to my old habits. My past life choices included doing over an hour of cardio and not eating afterward. Or starting to skip meals in the hope that it would somehow make me “skinny.” I realized this was especially a big issue on Tuesday morning when I went out on a run. My legs were more tired than usual, so I could only finish five miles. And to many people, that is a big accomplishment. However, for me, it did not feel like enough. This is when I realized the thoughts were getting too loud.
Whenever my thoughts start to consume me too much, I know that I cannot reset myself. And what works for me is confiding in a safe person. For me, this is my best friend/roomate Kayla. Kayla has been with me before, during, and after my experience with anorexia. As she has seen me through my phases of life, she has become a person I can talk to on the most difficult days.
After my run, I immediately texted her. To help talk me down and remind me why I chose recovery. And how strong I am for recognizing I’m struggling and asking for help. After talking with her, I felt more content. And I have been able to move through this week less focused on my negative thoughts. I truly know deep down that although I may be strong, I would not be where I am in my recovery without Kayla. Talking to her about my thoughts has made the hardest days just a little bit easier.
One of my biggest takeaways from this time in my life is that recovery is not linear. There will be days when you want to quit and easily go back to the choices that feel comfortable to you. However, it is important to remind yourself why you started your journey. And if your thoughts are starting to get too loud, talk to someone who reminds you why you chose recovery. Find your Kayla.