Nostalgia. Hurts. Every time.
Yet, as much as it hurts, it can also be strangely comforting.
Nostalgia. You’re wearing a weighted blanket. You fall asleep. Suddenly, it’s seven hours later, your bedroom is warmer, and claustrophobia is kicking in. You kick the blanket off. You’re met with immediate relief.
A huge aspect of nostalgia is scents. To me, and several others, scents hold memories. There are certain perfumes from high school or freshman year of college that make me a bit nauseous to smell because it is a one-way Amtrak ticket to your past.
If I smell dampness or rain outside, it reminds me of any rainy spring day from childhood where I was leaving elementary school and walking to the school bus loop.
I hear “The Spins” by Mac Miller and suddenly I am in my friend’s grey Honda on our way to our graduation on the football field.
When I am walking on campus late at night to get to the “Shlickey” or “Shay-Loughlen-Hickey” parking lot and I hear the certain buzzing of the campus street lights I am transported back to orientation. Specifically, Bonas After Dark.
Yet, when these nostalgic waves strike me, it feels like immense pressure on my chest.
There are several moments that I have lived in where the realization hits me that I will miss that moment for a long time. It feels difficult to “soak it all in” when I am living in that moment because that pre-nostalgia already feels suffocating. I still try and tear that thought away. I deserve to immerse myself in the presence of that moment.
It is easy for us to cherish the past positively. I have found myself looking back on things and missing them, even though it was a challenging time in my life or a time in my life when I was dealing with challenging relationships. Still, I look back and I can isolate several good things about that time.
Looking ahead is terrifying because it’s unknown. Post-grad is transitional, scary, and beautiful. Sometimes, I wish the feeling of nostalgia could be exhausted once and for all.
Bring back yearning… except when it has to do with yearning for what once was.
We will never be this young again. But we are still only 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 or 23-years old. There are YEARS ahead of us. Despite there being so much time left you have to remember to say yes. For instance, alter your nightly routine by an hour one night so you can hang out with your best friend who is 10 steps away from your bedroom. She won’t always be footsteps around the corner from you.
But how lucky are you to have had her mere steps away from you during your time here?
Every moment you are living, including the day you are reading this, is temporary, and it will go by quick, even on days that feel as though they drag on for an eternity. We know this. We probably know this far too well.
If you’re in the same boat as me where you feel your college years coming to a close quicker than you could have ever imagined, take a second to be present. You are allowed to be sad but we cannot let that consume us forever.
It’s worth mentioning how lucky we are. How lucky we are to have gotten the opportunity to be students at St. Bonaventure. How lucky am I to wind up in Loughlen Hall as a freshman, living next to my best friend, Rylie? How lucky I am to have gotten the privilege to meet and collaborate with Professor Chimbel, Dr. Belfield, and Professor Dalton, to name a few of my favorites. How lucky am I to live in a house named Castle with six friends I will cherish for years to come?
We have been granted the jackpot when it comes to being members of the Bonaventure community and understanding every single Bonaventure reference. If you are a first-generation student like me, I am sure you feel similarly in the sense that you are the absolute luckiest to break generational chains and be the scholar you are.
You won’t always combat the complexity of nostalgia. Looking back on the past, I am sure you will switch between being happy one minute and horrifically sad and heavy the next. Without our moments of nostalgia, I think we would lack empathy and emotion. Nostalgia is what makes us human. It is perhaps one of the most human emotions we will ever know.
How would we ever look back on these four years and come to appreciate them if we didn’t let ourselves feel consumed with sadness when it’s over?
It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to be happy. Let’s have both.
Bonaventure- it will be part of our souls forever; every single good thing here will stay with you as time marches on.
How lucky are you?