I got diagnosed with anxiety on April 1, 2022. I know right, what a coincidence to get diagnosed with a medical condition on April Fool’s Day. However, this was no April Fool’s joke. It was the real deal. This did feel like a real relief though, considering I had spent the last two weeks feeling like I was going crazy and that something serious was happening to me (later down the road I figured out this was a panic attack). It finally felt right that I could get the help I needed and not spend the whole day in the guidance counselor’s office. Â
Looking back now, almost three years later, being diagnosed was one of the greatest things to happen to me. It finally felt as if the way I have been dealing with all my life problems has been justified. So, turns out I wasn’t the crazy child making sure every single window was locked before I went to bed, I just had bad anxiety. However, it is often troubling trying to explain to someone what anxiety and panic attacks are and trying to explain the difference between normal anxiety and actually having anxiety.Â
Along my pathway of trying to become my best self despite my anxiety, there have been countless challenging moments where it just feels as if nobody understands my thoughts or feelings. While growing up, I watched my mom get involved in a toxic relationship and the effect of this on me was that anytime I got in an argument I either freeze or cry, because arguments scare me. Let’s just say it is not fun being called a baby just because you cry in arguments. My whole life I did think I was crybaby and too sensitive, but now I know it is just part of my emotions, and it’s allowed. And despite the many years it took me to realize this, I am finally there. Â
Alongside the tough times, I discovered the person I am instead of the person that people want me to be. My whole life I tried to shape my own self into a strong, independent individual that didn’t represent my true nature. But after many therapy sessions of denying my feelings and saying that I shouldn’t cry over the little things, it finally struck me that maybe these feelings are normal, and if others can’t accept these feelings, then are they truly someone I should keep in my life?
Now that it took me nineteen whole years to understand and have empathy for myself, that person that calls me soft just goes in one ear and out the other. I know that the people that understand me tell me my sweet soul is the best thing about me instead of using it against me. Now that I know this, I promise to never let anyone take advantage over the soft, cushiony person I am, and I hope that after reading this, people who also feel too soft will find the courage to understand you are perfect the way you are, and maybe if you are reading this and you are that person that has called someone too soft or a crybaby before, you will understand that there is always a backstory to why people react the way they do to certain situations.Â