As I conflict more and more with the society (not that it really values my option) I have found myself becoming more and more cynical. Someone once gave me a wise piece of advice: you can be in the worst situation, but the important thing is not to be bitter. I will have to admit that I, too, enjoy the bitterness most of the time. Despite being a cynical bitch which has made me feel strong, it has been ultimately damaging my mental health.
1. Surround yourself with positive people
Now, it would be a lie if I say I don’t feel good about the venting sessions I have with my friends and just hating on everything. If anything, I do think a time to time venting session is good for my mental health. HOWEVER, I found myself becoming more and more bitter when I am with those who are as cynical as I am. So when the negative energy gets bounced back between myself and everyone around me, it’s always a good idea for me to take a little break and re-evaluate on my own.
2. Evaluate the situation
Whenever I get caught up with my bitterness, it’s always helpful for me to step back and unfold my emotions. I often ask myself, “Why am I being so bitter? What emotion is causing me to do so?”
One way of helping this process is using something called the emotion wheel which helps me to break down and evaluate my emotions. Being able to identify my emotions provides me with a great start to re-evaluate the situation. The act of re-evaluating the situation helps me see the situation in a more critical and objective way. Such methods often help me be less hateful towards certain subject matters that trigger my bitterness.
3. Fact check, change the perspective
Bitterness is like a vicious cycle. From my experiences, being bitter only made me feel more passive and negative towards the situation. Whenever there’s something that triggers my bitterness, it’s easy for me to get blinded by my “emotional mind”. As previously mentioned, what always improves my emotion is to be objective and critical about the situation.
Fact checking is one of the many skills from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy that helps me get out of a bitter cycle. Being somewhat objective towards the situation helps personally to change my perspective and thinking, “would being bitter really change any of the negative feeling that is causing your bitterness?” My answer to this question is usually “no”.
4. Mindfulness
According to Deb Bearance from University of Calgary, “Mindfulness, which is being fully aware in the present moment, is an effective strategy for dealing with the stressors of the adversity and trauma of crisis situations”. These skill sets can also be applied when one is intending to be present in other instances as well, for example being caught in the moment by the bitterness.
5. Self-care and appreciation
I’ve come to realize that I start to hate everyone and everything when I don’t eat or sleep well. However, it’s often hard to take care of oneself in such a fast-paced society, especially for college students who are always considering deadlines and financial challenges. However, it seems not to be worth the price if sacrificing my mental and physical health means only bringing me to a darker place.
I often list things I am grateful for whenever I find myself being too bitter and start to resent everything. Most times, I easily forget about the little joyful things in my life and take them for granted. Yet from my experiences, it’s those “little moments” that shine the most in the rainy days and are actually what gets me through all of these experiences.
I can go on forever and continually be cheesy or basic… but from my experiences no one likes to hear these cheesy pep talks, which can turn the situation even more bitter. There’s nothing wrong with being happy and hopeful, but there’s no point being bitter and salty all the time (unless you really enjoy it, then go ahead). No matter how hard life gets, how shitty it is right now, there’s always (even if you don’t see it) a ray of sunshine. Cheers to cheesiness.