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Ever since I was a child I was a people pleaser and an extrovert. I moved around a lot as a kid so I always liked the feeling of getting to know a new friend or feeling secure in a friendship. It felt safe and invigorating at the same time. Not to be dramatic but I was addicted to this feeling.

Needless to say, withdrawals are hard. I’m a little bit better now but when people didn’t like me I would freak out. I would do my best to make sure that I could be overly kind (and lowkey annoying) towards them. I didn’t just want people to like me. I felt like I needed people to like me.

Looking back it seems silly. I don’t like a lot of people. Sometimes it’s because of a personal stance they have, sometimes it’s because of their personality and sometimes it’s just a feeling. Most of the time when I don’t like people they don’t like me back. It should be a good mutual thing–but it still bothered me that this person (that I don’t even like) doesn’t like me.

Why do I try to get approval from people I don’t like? Why should I even care about what people think about me? Logically it doesn’t make sense but, I know that logic and mental health don’t always mix together.

Of course, I know that it’s a confidence thing.

Part of loving myself is not caring about what others think. It’s being able to be okay with being alone for a little while. It’s understanding that if everyone in the world doesn’t like you that it’s fine because I’m going to like myself.

Although it’s a long road I’m really looking forward to the day where I’m fine if people take me or leave me. It’ll take awhile but I’m ready for that journey.

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