This article is a continuation of my grad school series. Visit the first installment here.
About a month ago I wrote, “So far I heard back from five schools and I was rejected from all of them. Yikes! Don’t get me wrong; I’m lucky. All of the schools that I heard back were reach schools and I still have a chance to get into another program. But, I can’t help but feel like my world has turned upside down.”.
Since this post, I was rejected from a safety school. Two days later I was unexpectedly accepted into my last “reach” program. I was sitting on my bed when I got the acceptance email and I literally jumped out of the covers to read the email. I can’t describe how I felt. It was one of the best, yet most confusing moments in my life. I discounted this school because my other “reach” schools didn’t want me. I went from accepting the fact that I wasn’t getting into grad school to getting into a dream school.
My world was turned upside down for another reason.
Ever since I’ve been in a perpetual state of disbelief. I realized that academia is a big part of my self-worth. Of course, this isn’t a bad thing all of the time. I feel like I’ve developed a better work ethic but, I know that my ties to academia have hurt my self-esteem.
Not being satisfied with the work that I’ve done has really messed with me throughout most of my life. I think that I might have lower self-esteem because of my attitude towards work.
I really regret the fact that I couldn’t have been okay with the results that I have or be satisfied with the work I’ve done so far. I deserved to be proud of the work I’ve done no matter what grad school says.
Although I have a few other offers to look up I’m happy and a little nervous for the future.