Suggested songs to listen to while reading this article:
- “Where’d All the Time Go?” by Dr. Dog
- “Good Days” by SZA
- “When Will I See You Again” by Shakka
- “Everything Stays” by Olivia Olson
- “Cherry” by Harry Styles
- “Bloom Later” by Jesse
- “I’ve Never Felt so Alone Interlude” by Labrinth
I have always had problems with time. That sneaky little force, uncontrollable and unstoppable, frequently causes my breakdowns and anxiety. I hate how it keeps going and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. Unfortunately, there’s no twist or surprise ending to this.
Time flows by and we just have to deal with it.
I just moved into my first ever apartment (after living in dorms for a week, in a place that is a 24-hour drive from my home and everything I have ever known). I swear this isn’t a flex, I’m just telling you time has been gettin’ me good.
I fall asleep every night wishing I had more time with my family, friends, and pets. Extra time driving through Colorado’s mountains and staying out late doing who knows what. I wish I had more time to pack and move, more time to finish my school work, time to make friends and memories. I am so worried that I missed important moments when I’m just setting myself up because now I’m missing the present.
But time can be good.
It can make space for changes, force you to get through one of the worst days ever, let you know that you’re going to wake up tomorrow, and go from there. This all makes me mad, but I understand what my brain and the universe are trying to do. I am deeply grateful for the hour-and-a-half-long drive I was able to have this week. If I hadn’t allowed myself to take some of my limited time to drive around, blasting my music, I would not be coping well. I feel more healed.
Something that helps me is following the flow of time.
I know this stream won’t be stopped until something absolutely bonkers happens, so, why fight it all of the time? I like to imagine myself drifting through the water, dark blue and soft, allowing time to push me whichever way it feels. Sometimes this approach can be sad, but it can also be reassuring. If everything else goes wrong, I know I can count on time to keep moving me forward.
Big life changes are scary and can come with a lot of regrets (I know for a fact I am constantly terrified and regret so much). I also love that sometimes I can sit back and let time push me into change and make it to where I have to face my fears. I’d like to say it’s poetic, but I feel like it’s something more physical than that.
It’s life. How much more “life” can you get than time being annoying while you deal with a vast range of complex emotions and situations that you feel like you shouldn’t have and you might need to see a therapist soon?
If I’ve learned anything in my “wise” 19 years of life, it is that time is inevitable, and in turn, change is unavoidable. Which isn’t the worst, but also isn’t the best.