As women, it’s too often that we feel ashamed for taking up space in rooms that want us to be invisible. With the last century’s belief that women should be “seen, not heard,” it’s fair to say our generation has made commendable progress in giving women a voice, whether people liked it or not. But dare I say that despite this external progress, a lot of us possess internal damage to undo inside of ourselves.
With feminism and the inclusion of women’s voices in male-dominated fields at their peak so far, our generation is witnessing a monumental shift. For the first time in decades, we are seeing women in a society built on patriarchal values lead in a world not designed for us to succeed. Whether this leadership is in science, art, or film, against all odds, we have contradicted outdated beliefs that women are not equal to men.
Yet still, young girls are passively taught to minimise their personalities in order to be more palatable to the vicious appetite of a patriarchal society, as not to threaten the balance of a society that is slowly crumbling under its own hypocrisy. Out of fear of being “too much,” many women make themselves small to avoid judgment and embarrassment. We cushion our opinions in self-doubt to be more agreeable. We laugh things off so no one feels uncomfortable. We notice who gets interrupted and who doesn’t. Meanwhile, most men don’t think twice about holding their tongue, stifling their laughter, or repressing their opinions to please others. They brazenly spread their legs on public transport, ours crossed tight. They speak loudly without hesitation; our voices soften by default. They unapologetically take up space when women are expected to shrink themselves to make more.
Overcoming this is terrifying. It’s basically hardwired into our brains to perform and be the most appealing version of ourselves, even if it is a version we do not see ourselves in. It’s comfortable to make yourself smaller, and putting yourself out there can feel like volunteering to be bait for a pack of ravenous wolves. But ask yourself, is this fear of being perceived worth the trade-off for more opportunities, more like-minded friends, and a more enjoyable existence? It’s difficult to unlearn years of making yourself small, especially when imposter syndrome is basically encoded into the X chromosome. But sometimes it can be as simple as speaking up without adding “sorry” or ”I think” at the start or refusing to be interrupted when you know what you are saying matters. Take up space in every room you find yourself in because you wouldn’t be there in the first place if you didn’t deserve to be. It’s not arrogance, it’s self-respect, and that’s empowering.
So, please laugh, smile, and cry loudly for all the women before us who could not.
Take up space without apologising. You deserve it.