To be blunt, I recently found myself in a life-altering breakup. While this period of my life is far from the stability I once knew, and I find myself not living in a “whimsy,” it is also proving to be very transformative. I’m handling a lot of emotions at once, but within this storm, I’ve found a steady inner voice, pushing me to better understand and know myself.
I’ve found a pattern in life. One that I don’t think any of us can escape. Many times, our lives are going smoothly, and we find peace and stability in the way we are living. More often than not, we find this happiness through the relationships and people we hold close in our lives.
However, life has a way of being a series of letting go, and mostly of people. I don’t mean that to be discouraging, but more in the way that people often serve as only seasons of our lives, and that we have to treasure those moments because accepting loss is a part of life.
Just because something or someone doesn’t last forever, it doesn’t take away from how special it was. Yet, it doesn’t take away from how huge and painful the loss can feel.
Personally, the times I’ve experienced the most growth in my life have been these times of struggle. As I am currently in one of those loss periods, below are the three big takeaways I’ve learned in staying rooted in who I am.
- Learning To Slow Down
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Life in college has a way of coming at you from a million different angles. I always find myself booked and busy, whether it is my academics, clubs or my social life, I find it hard to make time for myself.
However, if I have learned anything, slowing down is the most important thing you can do for yourself in a time of loss. Although it may be difficult, in the moments of silence, when you’re alone and can reflect, is when you discover how you truly feel about your life.
There is nothing comfortable about sitting in the sadness, yet it is paramount that you become comfortable with that discomfort because feeling every emotion, positive and negative, is pivotal to the healing process.
It wasn’t until I slowed down in my life, took a step back to reflect and let myself take a break that I started to feel how distraught I was over my breakup. While handling your emotions can be hard, it is also something you should feel grateful for.
It reminds us that we are human. In my opinion, it is better to feel those emotions deeply and intensely than not feel them at all. It serves as proof of the love that once lived there, but as a reminder that growth and healing are coming.
The hardest part is letting these feelings in, but once you do and you can reflect on all that there was and still is, you can then proceed to move forward.
It doesn’t happen overnight or all at once, but some days you will notice it becomes lighter. You start to understand your emotions and yourself instead of feeling overwhelmed by the unknown. What once felt consuming can become something you learn to carry with you in life.
Healing isn’t about forgetting what happened; it is growing with the pain to discover another version of yourself. We are always evolving, and if you don’t slow down, you might miss that.
- Rediscovering What You Love
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As a part of my era of growth, I’ve started delving deeper into activities I already loved and have picked up on some new hobbies as well.
For me, this looks like daily journaling, getting back into reading, exploring different cafes, working out, spending time with my friends, but most importantly, giving the majority of my time to family.
While these are all things I loved doing before, I find myself now getting more invested in them. Sometimes, when an obstacle in life arises, we may start doing new things that feel unknown in order to find ourselves better.
For me, this looks like signing up for a half-marathon, researching different dog shelters to volunteer at this summer, potentially trying to get my Orangetheory coach certification, as well as starting piano lessons again. To be honest, even writing this down, it all sounds a little manic!
Even so, nothing will push you to become better and put yourself out there like a disruption and transformative period in your life.
Finding hobbies that you love to do is crucial because they serve as tools for self-discovery. They bring you space to focus on yourself and a place to reconnect with what brings you joy.
When you lose someone in your life, that version of yourself and the activities you did together go with it. So, investing time to discover what you like to do outside of everyone else creates a more stable atmosphere for yourself. Because, despite what happens, the hobbies will anchor you so that when someone leaves, your identity doesn’t go with them.
- Investing In Yourself
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I feel the big connection in these other pieces of advice is the importance of investing time in yourself. Nothing is more important than knowing who you are, how you feel emotionally, how you handle difficulties in life and ultimately who you want to become.
Life will shake you, challenges will always arise and people will come and go, but loving yourself and knowing who you are always remains. This foundation is what allows you to navigate change with resilience.
The biggest transformation in your life will come from small habits and actions. Recently, I’ve been trying to get daily movement. This doesn’t have to be an intense workout, but most of the time, just small walks.
I like to listen to music or podcasts, but mainly it serves as time to myself to release stress. I have also been trying to stay off my phone.
I never used “Do Not Disturb” before, but now I’ve noticed a real difference: I feel less overwhelmed, I don’t get pulled into constant notifications and I have more control over my attention. It helps me feel less bombarded by the constant, rapid consumption that social media now encourages.
Furthermore, I’ve stopped allowing myself to go on my phone in the morning when I wake up and about 30 minutes before bed. On the weekend, I now make sure I carve out a portion of time on the weekend that is solely for doing something I love.
Nothing provides more growth than investing time in getting to love and know yourself. These small choices seem simple, but they create huge impacts.
They reinforce the habit of self-investment and strengthen our capacity to handle life’s ups and downs. Nothing fosters healing more than intentionally making space to love yourself.
Life seems to have a rhythm. You will fall down and find yourself at rock bottom. You will reflect and enter a period of recovery. And you will become a better version of yourself.
Choosing yourself doesn’t always feel easy. Sometimes the right decision can be the one that is going to hurt you. I believe love is the most abundant resource, and it is important we don’t forget to give it to ourselves.