Teaching you nine ways of thinking that changed my life. Why we should all have an ego. How to be self obsessed. Building self value and confidence. Stop checking their snapscore.
While a rush of all these titles at once may seem overwhelming, even annoying, we’ve all clicked on one, or one similar, at some point. And if it wasn’t an article you sought out to change your life, it was a video, a book or the familiar TikTok.
The truth is, you can read as many self help books as you’d like or scroll through as many 30-second videos as you can, but nothing will stick. By yearning to feel better, you read articles that end up only illuminating the spot that needs help.
Self improvement isn’t just about reading the right rulebook, it’s about preparing yourself to properly absorb new rules. You’re on a quest to find the perfect article to worship, one that will hit the spot. I’m here to merely help you clear that spot, so when you find the article your heart desires, your mind will have a place for it to settle down.
What resonates?
If you’re reading an article in a frenzy of feeling insecure, the only thing that will resonate with you is the fact that the article feels relatable. This is not healing.
To resonate with something is to deeply connect with it.
A sentence that is similar to your thoughts, a piece of artwork that just feels right, sharing a feeling with someone and talking about it together. Resonating is a gift of human nature. It makes us feel alive — but it also has its faults.
You can never watch the same show twice. The second time you watch it, you’ll notice different things in each episode. Your perspective will pick out and illuminate what relates most to your current situation and perspective.
In your first watch of “Sex and the City,” you don’t think twice about Carrie’s relationship with Big! He even comes off as charming. Watch it after you break up with your asshole ex? Suddenly Big’s demeanor hits close to home and instead of charming, he’s enraging.
All that’s to say, you can’t absorb information you’re not already thinking. If you’re looking for life changing advice to get you out of your insecurity, you have to stop relating to things that resonate with the fact that you feel insecure.
contradiction vs affirmations
What are you affirming, the fact you feel bad or the fact you can feel better?
A contradiction is something that goes against the way you want to feel. You want to feel good, but your mind is contradicting you, keeping you stuck in a world of hurt. In order to escape this paradox, you must contradict your contradiction using affirmations.
Is this article telling you what you already know, or are you reading it from a perspective that’s different — one that’s critical of that bad feeling?
When you click on an article for reassurance, are you actively trying to contradict the way you are feeling, or are you simply affirming that you feel a certain way?
To contradict your contradictions, identify what it is you’re trying not to feel. Instead of giving whatever it is life through passions of sadness, anger or hurt, contradict it with affirmations of positivity, revelation and betterment. Identify how you’re trying to feel, and start to fight bad thoughts off against it.
Be strong. Reading and feeling hopeful is not the same as taking action against your brain’s ailments. Rebel against your own emotions.
Letting go
We must clear the mind before we can truly adopt new things.
Meditate. Allow yourself to detach from being affected by whatever it is that’s bothering you.
Think critically of your bad thoughts, not yourself, and ask: What’s really bothering you?
Distract yourself. Hang out with friends, talk to strangers, engage in little interactions that remind you of who you can be outside of your own critical headspace. A little wave or perky interaction with a cashier goes a long way.
While it’s awfully tempting, even easy, to stew in the passion of limerence or bittersweetness, it’s pertinent that with a little more effort and willpower, we can just as effectively let this feeling go.
Remember, you don’t deserve to feel down, you deserve to be on the other side of it, instead of held to it. And until you let go of that pull to stay in a bad place, you’ll never leave it.
Adopt desire into your life style
Do things that make you feel like the person you want to be. Consciously adopt a desire to be content, and feel passion in deserving to be at peace.
Set intentions separate from the path that you are already on. Feel your affirmations, not their contradictions, and actively step to the other side of your perspective.
While moments like sadness and resonating with sad music can be healing and help us feel actualized, too many moments like this can alter our ability to resonate with good things. When we no longer want to feel down, it’s crucial that we identify our ability and feeling to resonate with good things.
- Realize what’s making you feel down
- Accept that you can let go of feeling hurt
- Adapt by contradicting with affirmations
Instead of listening to the voice that resonates with sad music, listen to the voice who loves uplifting pop. Instead of feeling bad about not being active, go for a run. Lazy because you skipped class? Get an assignment done early.
Reverse the language you use in your head and break patterns repeatedly. Be mindful of when your conscience is critical and correct thoughts from “I can’t…” to “I can.” Even “I want to stay in bed, I want to skip class” versus “If I don’t get out of bed, I’ll be miserable about skipping class.”
And again, contradict your contradictions — “I want to feel this – I can,” versus “I’m not feeling this – I can’t.”
Immerse yourself in accepting material, don’t just read about how you need to accept, but read things that you can actively accept. Start acting on your thoughts of wanting to by doing. Don’t read an article on how to get started, get started.
Identify, contradict, affirm through action. You deserve the world.