Rising Through Writing

 As my first year of college is beginning to come to a close, I have found myself looking back and reflecting on what I have written for Her Campus. Writing has always been an outlet for me, and when I developed anxiety, it also became a way for me to cope with it. Whenever I feel stressed or another overwhelming emotion, I am compelled to pick up a pen and express myself and how I feel on paper.

My most recent contribution to Her Campus, “Letters,” is an accurate representation of the state of my mental health right now. I was curious to see my mental state in the past, so in addition to reviewing what I have written for Her Campus, I took a look back in time at what I wrote in high school as well. This poem specifically that I came across grabbed my attention:

 

“It wouldn’t matter

If I wasn’t there

No one’s world would shatter

No one would care

 

One is not significant

What can one do

Nothing they can’t

It’s nothing new

 

One less student

One less inconvenience

No more sins to repent

No more lack of achievements

 

Only the smartest survive

The rest are weeded out

They were not meant to die

But to disappear no doubt

 

Slowly slip away

Until you’re a ghost

Leave day by day

Your presence unbeknownst

 

One day they will probably say

What happened to that girl

She said she would be an english major one day

But now she’s gone from the world

 

Pens turn to pills faster than you think

Scribbles turn to scratches in weeks

You can’t save someone on the brink

When they are already gone and they cannot speak

 

Let them go

Paper burns for so long

But this permanent ink will show

What went so wrong”

 

What struck me so strongly about this poem was the correlation between it and my piece “Letters.” Each of them respectively embodies my state of mind at the time I wrote them, and I am proud of how far I have come with my mental health. At the time I wrote this poem, I was in a very dark place, and felt as though I did not matter. Now, not only have I gotten through high school and nearly completed my first year of college, but I have also achieved a much healthier state of mind. I have learned to work with my anxiety, not against it, and my relationship with myself has greatly improved. The letters I wrote to myself have reflected my mental health and self-love journey, showing how strong I have become. As I finish my first year, I am far from finished on both my personal path and with my writing career, and I will continue to grow and rise through my writing.