Have you ever said “yes” to something before even asking yourself if you wanted to? If people-pleasing was a fatal flaw, it would be mine. I’ve always struggled with prioritizing my own needs, and frequently let outside circumstances pressure me because I was afraid of what other people would think, feel, or say. I know “empath” is a bit of a buzzword on social media these days, but I relate to it. I tend to absorb the emotions of those around me, and feel guilty when I do things for my own needs. Putting everyone else before myself even when it is detrimental to my well-being remains the biggest challenge I face as I work to be the best version of me. In this period of life where I’m encouraged to say yes to everything, I thought I’d share some things that help me to remind myself (and other “empaths”) that it is okay to say no.
Does this serve me?
Your number one priority should always be you. Before worrying about how others might perceive your actions, consider the impact of the decision on your life. Say you’ve been asked to pick up some extra responsibilities at work, and you know you don’t have the time, but you’re afraid to let your coworkers down. Before you commit to something that you’re hesitant about, ask yourself: will it improve your quality of life? Will it bring you joy? Will it bring you closer to your loved ones? Will it help you reach your goals? If the answer to all of those questions is “no,” maybe this opportunity isn’t the one for you.
self-care allows you to experience life more fully
When you practice self-care and work to become the best version of yourself, it benefits not just you, but also those around you. Taking care of yourself is important and allows you to maintain your relationships. If you need to skip an event because it just feels like too much, but you feel guilty about not showing up, remember that your friends would rather see you happy and thriving at one event than exhausted and miserable at four. It’s important to prioritize your needs. You cannot fill your cup (or others) if you are out of water.
start small
Prioritizing yourself doesn’t have to mean ditching your friends every time they call or completely disregarding the feelings of others. It simply means stop treating your needs as an afterthought. Read that book on your shelf that you’ve been putting off for three months. Grab a drink with your friends. Go to a yoga class. Buy a new top. Do whatever you need to do to fill your mind, body, and soul.
So the next time guilt tries to talk you out of putting yourself first, think, “What would my future self thank me for?” Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes.