Self-Love is Hard

As we all know, loving yourself is a lot easier said than done. I have been on this journey of self-love ever since I was a young girl and now into adulthood, I feel like I have made very little progress. I remember as a young girl, everyone would point out my size. Not only was I fat, but I was also a lot taller than most of my classmates. People would point it out and would bully me for it. But I never understood that. I was just a kid. It would have been totally different if they were doing it for the sake of my health, but they weren’t. They were doing it for a laugh but they didn’t realize the harmful effects that it would have on me and my mental health. 


As I got older, more and more different types of media started showing fat women in a more positive light. While it was great to see this positive representation, after the constant bullying and the negative portrayals of fat women in the media, becoming confident in my body did not happen as fast for me as it was for other fat women. I try my best to be body-positive with loved ones but when it comes to me, it’s hard. I know we should never compare ourselves to others, but I often find myself doing so. Something I think about is how life would be if I was thinner. Would I be happier? Would I be more confident? Would I be dealing with the same mental health issues I deal with now? I try not to let my mind travel down this path but I can’t always control it. 


Now, I am not writing this to have anyone question their confidence or self-love, but I also feel like not enough people talk about the fact that self-love takes time and that it does not happen overnight. While it is inspiring to see fat women portrayed in a better light than they were 10 years ago, we need to acknowledge the fact that for some women it is going to take time for the walls they built to be broken down. Even on the days that I do my makeup or wear a nice outfit, the negative thoughts still linger. While I appreciate people’s compliments and feel confident, even if it's just for a bit, I wonder when I’ll be truly confident with myself. 


I am hoping for the day that all fat women can proudly say they love every part of themselves. Until then, we need to keep encouraging those that are not ready or don’t believe that they are worthy of loving themselves to take their time. We need to remind them that self-love and body acceptance comes with time. For any fat self-identifying woman reading this, I hope you know that you are deserving of self-love.If you do not believe today, I hope you will believe it soon. Take your time.