For lots of us, going to university is the most drastic “fresh start” we’ve had in our lives so
far. It’s tantalising: endless social opportunities, a wealth of new places to explore, and a sort
of seductive independence which is new and very exciting. But, it can also bring with it a
whole host of anxieties, growing pains, and, amongst the chaos, a million tiny changes which
don’t make it to Instagram but show up months down the line in a rebuttal of a parent’s
comment at the dinner table or in the feeling you get when you pick up shifts at your old
hometown job or in the way you season your food.
For what’s likely the first time, we are entirely removed from the people who have raised us,
and the familiarity of the place we’ve grown up in. Our family, friends, surroundings—they
make us who we are. There’s a mutual understanding, a shared history, which is tricky to
convey in a get-to-know-me pre-drink game during freshers’ week. This is bound to make
even the most confident people feel a little wobbly. We’re asked to present ourselves to
people who have no prior knowledge of our lives, no context, nothing but what we choose to
show to them. It’s like we’re being forced to stare into a mirror and examine who we are
through a dozen strangers’ eyes.
This feeling of being entirely unknown is especially disorientating when paired with the
whirlwind of getting to know yourself—how you handle freedom, how you form routines,
how you transition from living at home to being your own primary caregiver. For a little
while, it’s inevitable that the majority of connections we make at university will be fairly
surface level. And, as we settle into our new lives, and begin to explore who we are in a
completely new setting, there’ll also be a period of adjustment wherein we are to some extent
strangers to ourselves.
Overwhelming as this might sound, it’s a process that, while having the potential to be
uncomfortable, is part of taking the first step into adulthood. Any opportunity we’re given to
nurture our own identities and gain new perspectives on our lives will shape us slowly into
new versions of ourselves. It’s rare that before moving to university we’ll have been
presented with so many choices—we’re altogether the actors, the directors, and the tech team
of our three(ish) years away. We tell stories, recipes, old clothes, and old jokes, shaping the
people we meet in the same way they shape us.
Clearly, this topic is something I could wax on and on about. I’m starting the final year of my
course this month, and I’d like to think I’ve been at university long enough to have the means
to come up with some advice for handling change. So, here are a few tips I would give to new
uni-goers for navigating this next chapter of their lives.
- Make some impulsive change to your appearance. I’ll always be an advocate for
cutting your own hair. I’ve been the victim of some rather wonky bobs in my time,
but there’s something extremely cathartic in hacking at your fringe with your old
paper scissors to release some inner demons. It’s a fun way of physically
acknowledging and expressing mental change while learning not to take your looks
too seriously. And, hey, it might look cute! (Or French). Whatever the outcome, it’s a
way of marking your territory in your new life and owning your growth. It’s a way of
saying this is who I am right now, whatever that might mean. - Find a quiet spot with a nice view. Go and sit there, multiple times a week, until you
feel less like a loner and more like yourself. As a UoN student, I recommend the walls
down by the lake. Even if it’s four degrees and the damp stone gets your bum wet,
places like this become your own and, hey, a body of water is going to get you
contemplating every time. Once a squirrel climbed all the way up onto me and stole
my pastry which was so ridiculously impressive that I wasn’t even annoyed when I
turned up to German starving and feeling like I’d just wasted £3 because I had a story
to tell and, I don’t know, felt all profoundly at one with nature or something. It just
felt like an absurd piece of evidence that things do just happen to you when you
venture into the Great Outdoors. - Develop a lovely little morning routine. Preferably one which includes a tasty
breakfast. I think communal cooking and eating’s a wonderful thing—but there’s also
something grounding about having breakfast alone. I had a lot of 9ams in first year
and I became slightly attached to my morning rituals (which almost always featured
chocolate chip Weetabix Crispy Minis, before they became nearly a fiver a box). I
look back fondly on that time I had to myself, tiptoeing around in the kitchen and then
settling into the day in a way that was gently reliable. It set me up for even the most
boring of lectures—I loved that I always had that time with myself to look forward to
when I went to bed. - Finally, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Talking to somebody is one of the most
stabilising things you can do when you’re feeling disjointed or dealing with identity
issues, taking the tangled thoughts out of your head and laying them out in front of
you and another person, transforming them into something a lot less
overwhelming—and isolating. If you don’t feel able to speak on that level with your
friends, many people don’t realise that most universities offer free counselling
services. It can seem intimidating to seek a referral, but, in my experience, I have
always felt in control and in no way judged by counsellors. On your own terms, you
can book onto a variety of sessions with a number of professionals, who provide you
with the opportunity to talk through your emotions and feel more guided and secure.
So. Tl;dr*—change is scary, it’s also pretty great. It’s something I think is worth taking note
of—in lots of small ways, especially if it’s making you feel unsafe or like you woke up one
morning with all your limbs jumbled up—and also is worth fostering, not shying away from.
As secure as you can feel in your own identity, it isn’t a static thing: you’ll keep pieces of
your past with you forever, while the subtlest parts of your everyday at university shape you
unconsciously into someone you’ll get to know just as well.
* Tl;dr = too lazy; didn’t read