“Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring just because I don’t do things your way. I care about me, too.” – Christine Morgan
Sometimes, it literally feels like I’m staring at my screen from the moment I wake up until I close my eyes to sleep. I have noticed that the first thing I check in the morning is my phone, then I might take a small break and get ready, but then I turn on my computer to do whatever I need to do. I continue to use my phone throughout the day, even when I am on my daily walk and staring at it for at least an hour before I actually sleep. Besides being attached to technology, it is also so easy to just be “working” the whole day. This can either just be from doing homework for hours or even random assignments periodically throughout the day till I fall asleep.
It wasn’t until around a month ago that I started to loosely set boundaries. I would tell myself to stop working at 10 p.m., for example, or not use my phone until I get ready. However, I found myself pushing my own boundaries by, honestly, making excuses. Sometimes, I would procrastinate and wait until the night to do homework, and therefore, only stop working just to go to sleep. Essentially, I was breaking my own promises to myself, not taking care of or prioritizing myself.
I think boundaries, especially with the pandemic and stay-at-home orders, are important because it is one of the main ways we can really take care of our emotional, mental and physical health. Here are three things I now intentionally and have “strictly enforced” to set these boundaries.
- Designate specific hours
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This applies to my school, meal times and rest periods to name a few. For me, this ranges daily because the amount of work I have to do every day differs. The night before, I like to write out a to-do list that lists not only everything I must do but also things I can do. I have now added a “self-love” list, too. In the morning, I time block everything: my classes, my “work hours,” my rests, my meals and even my walking or workout times. I always stop my work at 10 p.m. As I’m writing this, it does seem a little extensive, but it comes naturally to me now. As I’ve been incorporating this system into my life, I have felt more relaxed and productive during each certain period. For example, I know as I’m working that I have a rest period coming up, so I don’t feel like I am working 24/7.
- Follow those self-made rules
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I recently listened to a podcast that talked about self-confident people. Essentially, people who are self confident are able to build a pattern and a reputation for themselves. With other people, we build and have trust when we know they will keep the promises they make. But that also applies to us. We become increasingly confident when we know that we will keep the promises we make to ourselves. With other people, if you break a promise, you can easily make up an excuse. However, you can’t lie to yourself and make excuses when you break your own promise since you know what really happened. When I broke my “rule” of the 10 p.m. cut-off, I allowed myself to procrastinate during the day because I knew I would have time later on and I could compromise by having less rest times. I would do most of my assignments with half the effort because they were rushed. However, because I have now kept the routine, I know that I only have until 10 pm, so I am able to be productive knowing that I have to stop at that time.
- Be nicer to yourself
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I feel like I’ve heard that phrase a lot, but it is so important to really prioritize these break periods and just take care of yourself. This can range from literally just watching your favorite TV show, to enjoying some desserts, or just hanging out with friends (6 feet apart, of course). I was always so hard on myself when I was not able to finish my homework, leading me to stressing myself out and not completely focusing on my work. I would always try to be “healthy,” but then feeling tired and not excited for meals. Recently, with my breaks and occasional daily treats, I feel much more energized to take on what I need to and have been in a better mindset.
At the end of the day, I think the perfect word to summarize all of this is intention. Be intentional with everything you do, your lifestyle and your overall schedule. It is so easy to just go with the flow of things and do things as they come up. However, especially with this seemingly never-ending quarantine, every day can feel exhausting and stressful without putting yourself first.