Courtesy of Agoramedia
From a very young age, I was known to desire having things a certain or specific way. As I grew older, it evolved into an unhealthy obsession of attaining perfection, whether it be with my academic standing, or the need to have everything be entirely neat and precise. Upon entering high school, my anxiety became overwhelming. I attended a private, all girls, Catholic academy, that consisted of rigorous classes, extensive discipline, and constant competition to be the best among students. During my first and second year, there were countless times in which I would come home and lock myself in my bathroom having panic attacks over what had occurred that day. These attacks were filled with endless tears and uncontrollable screams in which I would ask myself why I was feeling this way. Anxiety is a difficult emotion and mental condition to explain; all individuals can experience it differently, but for me it felt like a truck was crushing my chest – a feeling of internal entrapment with one’s own feelings and thoughts. There were moments in class when the return of an exam with a slightly lower grade than expected would trigger an attack. I was constantly comparing myself to others around me, asking myself “Why could I not be perfect like them?”
During my sophomore year I enrolled in sewing classes outside of my high school in order to learn the necessary skills since my ambition was to work within the fashion industry. One of the assistants at the sewing school attended my high school and was in several of my classes. There were times when we would vent to one another as we shared the same problems of anxiety and stress. She noticed that my main problem was my drive to attain perfection. This fellow classmate, and now close friend, gave me advice that will never be erased from my mind. She said, “When you sew and make homemade pieces it is not going to be perfect, that’s what makes it unique.” In that moment I realized that this statement can be used in daily life; nothing that any individual does or makes will be perfect, but that is what makes it perfectly imperfect. After hearing this advice I began to take responsibility of my anxiety. I began therapy, engaging in physical activity that would maintain my active mind, and most importantly, I altered my perspective on perfection.
My high school experience began to become bearable. However, as it remained an intense school, I continued to confront my anxiety, but now I am able to manage it. Anxiety persists in life no matter all the precautions one may take, but it is how an individual deals with it that defines them. Anxiety or any other mental illness does not define a person; it is how you fight against it.