Oblivious to the disorientation that may face an individual, we may undertake reformations as if they are not a challenge. As for myself, I did not understand that living in the United States was different than being an American. It wasn’t the fact that everything is in English because I speak it, nor was it the fact that the educational system is different because I am flexible and have been in five different systems consisting of three different languages throughout my life. Three of those schools being within the last three years, I have been confronted by change consistently throughout my life. I am flexible. It hasn’t been the fact that I miss Tunisia because you always miss home when you have more than one. It is the fact that abruptly, I shrank ten times. I became one unseen and unknown in a swarm of hundreds
Watching people come and go so quickly in and out of my quiet international life in Tunis, Tunisia, I waited impatiently for a chance to alter my path while the absence of part of my identity consumed my mind as a result of my inability to totally conform to both my American and Tunisian identities since they are so opposing. The state I moved to two years ago is only a tenth smaller than the country where I’ve spent almost my entire previous existence. I shifted almost unconsciously away from the school, or rather the community that treated me like family for eight years and praised my mother’s work for almost thirty. The community that was half American and half Tunisian like myself. The community that was burned to the ground in 2012 by terrorists. The community that reconstructed itself to be there for just four hundred and fifty of us.
While living through a revolution consisting of endless forms of violence based on politics, the place I now call home was silent and likely unaware. Regardless, my life remained a quiet one where the sound of the waves in Takesla overpowered the suicide bomber not even a mile from my school. Where the frying of mlawi is louder than the screams of protesters opposing the deteriorating conditions of our nation. It is not that I did not care, it is that I was only a child and my focus was about the color of my ballet flats being pink or black.
I now live somewhere that has four different seasons which correspond almost perfectly with the astronomical calendar. Where decisions are made based on my wants as opposed to what is available and where the traffic feels simulated by the individuals who abide by the street signs. Yet somehow in this land of opportunity, sight is lost over the idea that everything is replaceable. Noise is escalated consistently throughout my mind over the insignificance of where I am from because, alas, I appear white. Most of those I meet here know little, if anything about Tunisia, making that entire part of my identity disappear in their perception of me. Most of those I meet there know too much about the United States, overpowering this part of my identity in their perception of me. The void in my identity is always half full. I am not enough Tunisian or American for either society. I am my very own combination and concoction of two contrasting cultures.
All this to say, allow yourself the grace of understanding how difficult it is to navigate your cultural identity. Feeling overwhelmed or disoriented in a new environment takes a lot of adaptation. Here are some ways that may help you adapt:
- Make a playlist that reminds you of home and listen to it whenever you need to get back in touch with your roots. This makes me feel nostalgic and reminds me that this part of my identity is fully intact, just not exactly active.
- Cook your traditional food. This may be something you ate a lot in your home country or a comfort meal of yours.
- Keep up with the local news. You want to be up to date with the happenings so you are not completely lost when you return.
- Find content creators from your home town. This is really important to me because it allows me to almost feel like I’m there too. Tiktok is great for this, since the videos aren’t time consuming, but you still get a feel of what’s going on in your home town.
- Stay in touch with your friends and family to give yourself a realistic idea of what’s going on back home. This may seem obvious, but it can actually be really hard to do, especially if you live in very different time zones.
- Romanticise you’re life just a little bit.
- College is hard, show yourself some grace.
Take my advice with a very small grain of salt, as I am just one person. My experiences have brought me to overcome these silly, yet persistent ideas that I have to fit into really specific categories. The only box I fit into is the one that says “other” when I’m required to state my race on paperwork.