To the boy who ran away...

I guess you can say this is for the girls who know what its like to deal with broken guys. We too are broken. I know us girls its easy for us to be vulnerable and the world to be kind to us when we feel weak. But I'm not writing this article because I'm being weak, I'm learning to let go. My fear of commitment and countlessly pushing everyone away I met you and saw home. I drew all my attention to you, you caught my eye because you were broken, I was always someone who attracted the weak because I was weak myself, I let you in after being afraid of falling for someone but my fairytale ending with you never happened. I knew you had problems but I felt I needed to fix you but how can I fix you, if I couldn't fix myself? Saving you made me feel whole but in the end, by trying to build you I broke myself. Despite being everything I thought you wanted me to be, to you I was never enough. You shut me away, you confused me, and you left me like I was nothing. You never gave me the chance to prove to you everything I wanted to.... but I don't have too. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, I am enough and although you needed me to be whole, I am whole without you. Finally, I let you go, off social media and off my life. I knew I couldn't hold onto hope much longer, I was losing myself in search of you, but I thank you, in helping you find yourself I lost myself. But again I needed this, I needed the wakeup call to understand myself, I needed to learn that I cannot fix everyone because not every wants to be fixed. Perfection does not exist and that is okay. You helped me free myself of the bad and finally accept the good. I am growing, I am growing into the woman I dreamed of being, I am happy, I know I will think of you, how you brighten up a room every time you laugh and just how everything you do you accomplish with so much passion, but these things will not make me stay. I know I may be hurting you by doing this, or so I think I am, but understand I will always care for you, our situation was complex but it was something I will always be grateful for. My smile every time I hear your name will always be there, just more subtle. I suppose this may be the end although I know we will cross paths again, when I am whole and when I am ready, who knows if I was the one who wasn’t ready, but until then I set the thought of you free, to find yourself, without me as I continue my own journey. I hope to someday run into you on the subway when we are older and wiser but until then goodbye, I'm letting you go.

 

- to the boy who ran away, it's my turn.