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Empathy is finding echoes of another person in yourself.
~ Mohsin Hamid
Empathy can make you feel trapped; understanding others but never being understood can be overwhelming at times and even can leave you questioning your whole existence.
Empathy can be a beautiful gift, but what will happen if it gets too much?
Sometimes, you might stop and think, “If I were this person right now,” to understand difficult emotions or situations. This definitely is an amazing skill, and there is no doubt that it will make you a more understanding and considerate person to those around you.
Do you relate to being an empathetic person? Being empathetic means that you are not only able to understand, but you can also share the feelings of another person. Does empathy really help you gain a new perspective on the people you care about? Empathy is often viewed as a positive force; however, sometimes we might begin to accept the perspectives and emotional states of other beings, making them change the actual truth—sometimes to the point of losing our own neutrality.
An Individual’s War
Deeply empathic beings are faced with the challenge of separating their own emotions from those of others, which often results in an identity crisis, where one might begin to see themselves mainly through the struggles of those around them. Over time, they may prioritise the well-being of others, overlooking their own needs, desires, and sense of identity. Such tendencies can show up in various aspects of life, including relationships, work and social situations. For example, a friend or family member who is always caught up in the emotional challenges of others might start to measure their self-worth by their ability to help or solve problems, rather than reflecting on their own accomplishments or aspirations.
Relationships vs Empathy
Developing a feeling of emotional duty to the other person results in a codependent bond. Codependency happens when one person’s sense of self and happiness depends too much on the emotional or physical needs of their partner, which might often not work well over time. The person who gives too much might start to feel stuck, stressed out and bitter, while the person receiving all the care might feel they deserve it, keeping the cycle going. As the empathetic person starts to ignore their own needs, they might feel “used” or “taken for granted,” while the person they are helping might not understand how much emotional weight they are carrying.
The Final Truth
One major aspect of losing oneself in the struggles of others is the false sense of control it can create. When someone becomes deeply involved in another person’s issues, they may feel a sense of purpose or responsibility to fix those problems. This can lead to an illusion of control over situations that are, in truth, beyond their influence.
However, this perceived control can have detrimental effects, as it places the entire burden of responsibility on the empathetic individual. They might start to see themselves as the only one who can help or as the sole solution to another person’s suffering. This can result in unhealthy codependency, where both individuals become ensnared in a cycle of emotional entanglement that reinforces the empath’s belief that they must always be there to “rescue” others.
For example, a partner who consistently takes on their spouse’s emotional burdens, such as managing their anxiety or depressive episodes, might begin to feel that their entire identity revolves around being the “rescuer,” ultimately neglecting their own emotional well-being and needs in the process.
The individual usually loses sight of his or her own goals and desires by living in other people’s problems. Empathetic people are in such a close relationship with the needs around them that they tend to forget their own wishes. Eventually, this leads to a disconnection from one’s own aspirations, hobbies, or emotional needs.
An individual may compulsively ensure that others—whether it is a friend, a family member, a colleague, or a lover—are well tended to because they feel that this is what they are meant to do. Perpetual giving leads to a feeling of unfulfilment if one’s own emotional or material needs are unmet. They may neglect their own needs, be it career goals, personal time, or self-care, just because they have become so absorbed in the needs of others.
Where We Draw the Line – The Path to Healthy Connection
Empathy stands as one of our greatest strengths, yet we must learn to manage it without losing our sense of self. Setting clear emotional boundaries, keeping our personal identity, and making room for self-care allow us to build healthier, longer-lasting relationships. Only by recognising the risks of unbridled empathy can we tap into its power in a well-rounded, satisfying way.
Empathy is not just an emotional encounter; it is also a physiological one. Research has shown that deeply empathising with others’ hurt activates the same brain regions that are active when we experience pain ourselves. Over time, constant exposure to suffering—whether through personal relationships, work, or social media—can lead to emotional burnout, a state of exhaustion that comes from giving too much without replenishing ourselves.
While empathy is undoubtedly integral to social cognition, fostering social connections and cooperation, its impact on individuals is complex and multifaceted. Excessive affective empathy, in particular, can have detrimental effects on psychological well-being. It is conceivable that heightened empathy and the consequent empathic distress may be positively, albeit intricately, associated with various psychological disorders and emotional dysregulations, including internalising—as per Science direct. By recognising the risks of unchecked empathy, we can learn to harness its power in a balanced, fulfilling way—one that allows us to support others without losing sight of our own well-being.For more such articles, visit HerCampus at MUJ.