Letting go is hard, but I think hanging on is even harder.
It hurts more. It leaves room for false hope and untouchable fantasies.
We hang on for dear life.
We hold on to these painted truths and distant memories with tightening grips, even when we have no energy left to hold.
So, why do we keep hanging on?
Why does it feel easier to us even when we know deep down that letting go will feel so much better?
It’s scary to let go; to move on or to move forward when there’s so little clarity.
We hang on because we fear the unknown of what the future may bring.
Hanging on is our safety net.
Our life preserver.
If we let go, won’t we drown?
It’s comfortable, and it’s safe. Even though it hurts us time and time again.
Personally, I’ve been hanging on for far too long.
To the hope that one day I’ll find an overwhelming sense of clarity in all the tragedy my family has faced.
To the hope that one day some of the more heartbreaking moments in my life will all make sense.
To the hope that one day there will be a clear reason for all the pain and the loss.
And, I keep desperately holding on to the hope that one day he’ll choose me.
That he’ll come to his senses and realize what he’s missing out on.
That the words he speaks to me are true and meaningful.
I’ve been holding on to so many intangible ideas because I’m so desperately aching for one of these ignorant reveries to finally become a reality.
The weight of these fantasies is becoming unbearable. I feel my safety net starting to rip.
It can’t hold the weight of all the “What if’s?” or the “Maybe soon it will all make sense.”
But I’m scared to let go and allow myself to free fall into the unknown.
What if I can’t catch my breath? What if I only see darkness?
There’s no other choice at this point. My body is weak and my mind foggy. The only other option is to trust that letting go will result in a weight being lifted off my chest.
Maybe, on the off chance, I’ll actually be able to breathe again.
I can start fresh.
I can start a new chapter where I decide how my story ends.
Letting go might actually be the best thing to ever happen to me.
In order to let go, I must detach from all things that are out of my control. I can’t change the past, but I can rewrite the future.
The pain, loss and tragedy, those are unfortunately a part of life. Pain is a shared experience that everyone endures, so I find comfort in knowing I’m not alone.
There’s no right answer to why certain things happen to certain people, but rather than dwell on the anger and confusion of “Why me?” focus instead on “Okay, this happened to me. How will I pull myself up to overcome this hardship?”
There’s no reason to hang on any longer and suffer at the hands that are forcing you to clench harder.
No more hoping that tomorrow it’ll all make sense.
No more hoping that tomorrow all these unanswered questions will come to fruition.
Some things simply have no right or wrong answer. Some things simply don’t make sense.
Many things are unfortunately just straight up painful and traumatic, and often, you have to figure out how to pick up the pieces and just keep moving forward.
Accept the unknown and acknowledge the uncertainty. Embrace it. Let it fuel you
And as far as that guy that you want so desperately to choose you?
Screw him.
Choose yourself and know that there is someone out there who will see the beauty you have to offer.
Someone who will choose you first each and every day.
Choose yourself.
Rewrite your own ending.
Spend your days dreaming about the things that matter. The things that you know are in your control to come true.
The past is the past, so keep your head up and stay aligned with the light that’s leading you to your radiant future.
Now, take a deep breath.
Close your eyes,
And let go.