Regret is a word that controls our thoughts, character, and actions. It’s a word that can gain complete control over your life. Many of us go through phases where we’ve experienced situations that we wished never occurred. Regret can tear a person apart and bring them down to their lowest point. I like to think of these occurrences of regret as a life lesson that shapes you into the person you’ll be in the future. Some situations you may regret can be worse than others, but it all results in that same emotional feeling. The feeling of being lost, confused, depressed, and angry. These spurred up emotions aren’t only caused by the situation, but by yourself as well.
One thing that I regret that I’ve never told no one was that I regret not calling my father very often when he was sick in the hospital with cancer. It was my junior year in high school and my family and I would always visit my father in the hospital after school, but I felt as if it wasn’t enough. It was too heartbreaking to see the one who raised and loved me wither away in front of you. My mother had been with my father for 23 years before he passed in the summer of 2018. It was too much to bear for my older sister, my mother, and me after witnessing my father take his last breath. That summer in 2018, I had so much built up regret and hatred at myself for not being able to express my love and thankfulness for the beautiful memories that he, my mother, and my sister have given me throughout the years.
They say regret can meet you at your worst, but I came to believe that it can establish the best version of yourself in life. It took a long time for me to understand that the word regret doesn’t necessarily have to exist until you give it a meaning. Until you let it worry you. Until it controls you. So the regrets that I carried with me throughout my life have shaped me into a version of myself that wouldn’t have been possible without my experiences.
I’ve learned how to express myself through writing. I’ve learned how to accept myself and others for who they are. I’ve learned how to look at life through different perspectives. I’m not happy with the decisions I made in the past that led to the regret, but I’m happy that I’m learning from it everyday. Every moment, every chance that we get to change our actions and shape our past decisions into our future experiences, helps guide us to become who we are destined to be.