TW: abortion, child abuse, sexual assault
By today, I would be getting ready for her 6th birthday.
By today, I would have a 5 year old.
By today, I would have had my 4th attempt
By today, I would not be in my 3rd year of college.
By today, I would not have had a 2 year relationship.
By today, I have had 1 abortion.
The abortion that almost killed me.
The abortion I had to perform myself.
The abortion when I was 13 years old.
I would have a kid – The Kid
I call her “The Kid” because nothing else fits
I had no other choice, and
I made the right choice
The Kid is a little girl in my mind
Sometimes, I grieve her
The Kid is a little girl in my mind
Sometimes, I wonder what her smile would be like
The Kid is a little girl in my mind
Sometimes, I wonder if she would have my eyes
The Kid is a little girl in my mind
Sometimes, I wonder if she would look like my abuser
The Kid is a little girl in my mind
Sometimes, I miss what could’ve been
I do not regret not having The Kid.
I am better off without The Kid.
The Kid is better off without me.
I was A Kid myself.
I will never regret not having The Kid.
I wish I was afforded the healthcare.
I wish I had healthcare that would have protected my uterus.
I wish The Kid was not created out of rape.
I wish I was not 13.
I wish The Kid waited longer.
I wish The Kid had a father who was not my father.
The Kid is mine
But The Kid is not mine.
She would be 5.
The Kid would have been My Kid.
But I’m so happy I don’t have My Kid yet.
I know I will have My Kid someday.
I will never regret My Kid
I will also never regret not having The Kid.