Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
Love Is Blind S3 E6 00 11 57 07R?width=719&height=464&fit=crop&auto=webp
Love Is Blind S3 E6 00 11 57 07R?width=398&height=256&fit=crop&auto=webp
Courtesy of Netflix © 2022
Wellness > Sex + Relationships

The “I Don’t See a Romantic Relationship” Epidemic

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at MSU chapter.

Breaking news! Heartbreak sucks.

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve gotten a text that read somewhere along the lines of, “Hey Brandy, I really like you, you’re cool, you’re funny, you’re smart, and I love our conversations, I just don’t have a romantic interest in you,” I’d have 10 cents.

Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice… no?

In both instances, the man I was talking to had started to pull away and ignore me. I believe that’s why I was more tuned in to what was coming the second time it happened. I’ve healed enough going through it once that the next time my sadness was over within hours.

I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to seem obsessive and overly attached. I’ve moved on enough to start dating after both of these people, but that doesn’t make what has happened to me hurt any less.

I’d like to let go of these memories, but I’m not quite sure where to put them! They’re pretty significant things that have happened in my life. So of course they’re going to stick. Now I’m just left with questions. Why? Why not just tell me straight up? Why string me along? Why not count me in to a decision you’re making that involves both of us? Why not try? 

Why am I never good enough for a relationship?

If I’m so funny, if you like being around me, what would be the harm in trying to see me in a romantic way? Is that not the way people date anymore? How are you possibly supposed to get a full idea of exactly what you want from me when we’ve only met in person twice? It’s not fair.  It especially sucks to have it happen more than once.

From what I’ve seen on TikTok, and from my friends, it’s not even something unique either. I’ve seen countless screenshots of breakup texts from guys on social media that could be used as a reference guide to what has been said to me. 

It’s not even the act of breaking things off that hurts the most. It’s the knife in the gut that I’m not good enough for a conversation, these guys have decided they are done with me on their own. They took the time and pulled away, leaving me by myself.

I’ve felt pathetic both times. 

Staring at my phone, letting an empty notification screen dictate my mood. Waiting for a dry response after hours of being ignored, questioning what I ever did wrong. The tale is apparently as old as time, and it’s always been cruel. 

From taking the time to myself and healing, I’ve translated the,”I’m not interested in a romantic relationship,” and can see it for what it really is. It’s the old saying, “It’s not you, it’s me,” just dressed up in Gen Z fast fashion. 

These men are chasing love so fast. They want a spark, they want something they don’t have to work for. Surface level feelings are easy, especially in the world we live in now, where texting and Snapchatting are so important in communication. Why deal with the uncomfortable feeling of platonic and romantic when you can just move on to what’s next? Everything is supposed to go fast, no Snapchat is saved, no conversation is remembered.

Forget getting to know each other. If there’s one ounce of doubt, one speck of hesitation, it’s time to bow out and cut your losses. Online dating exists and there are hundreds of other people they can move on to hurt until they find someone good enough… or they just run out of people and stare at their reflection in the black mirror of their phone screen. 

You can’t go on innocent dates anymore. There’s supposed to be a rush. There’s supposed to be this want, this carnal need to take things further and do it fast. No courting, no holding hands or seeing how the light dances on someone’s skin. There’s no more developing feelings over a period of time. 

I’ve tried. Both times. I’ve taken the time to step back and let myself feel what I needed to before going on the next date. Did we click? Did the conversation feel nice? Could I see myself dating them? 

I’ve gone on other dates where it just simply didn’t go well, and we didn’t match vibes at all, so we never went on another one. But there’s a difference between that, and experiencing multiple hang out sessions, and months of talking to suddenly just decide you don’t want to pursue it any further. 

I’m mad! I have every right to be, I’ve been burned, scorned, and hurt beyond belief. 

When I got the message, “Yeah sorry I haven’t been texting you,” with no explanation for the second time, I didn’t think it would wound me as much as it did. I thought I’d move past those feelings. Yet the pit in my stomach grew, and I knew I was going to be froze out.

Funny. I’m a funny person. People love me. I have friends, and a loving family. I’m generous, kind, and make people laugh. Yet, I’m asked of two separate guys I could have seen being in relationships with, to just be friends.

Despite being all of those things, despite kissing, holding hands, spending hours and days talking and connecting, I am not worthy of their time. If it’s not working, give up.

We are quite literally not the problem. We’re dealing with emotionally immature people who have never had to sit down and have a discussion about complicated feelings and emotions. We’re growing adults and those conversations are too much to handle. 

In both cases, I’ve stressed communication. I’ve made them explain their feelings, and I’ve set the boundary that I don’t want to be friends with someone who has the capability to hurt me in that way again.

I have enough friends who think I’m worthy. We have tiffs, we have arguments and days when we fight. We have nights where we stay up drunk off wine and each other’s company. 

I cannot do that with someone who sends me a text saying, “I don’t see us having a romantic relationship,” and I simply won’t.

Instead, I’ll sit here with my mended heart. Each crack filled day by day with the things that I love most. The laugh sessions with my closest friends, the treadmill at the gym, the softness of my cat’s fur and the soothing of his purr on my chest. 

I’ll look to the future, and I’ll hope and pray that there’s a cure to this epidemic. I wish both of these guys a good life, and cross my fingers that the next girl they talk to, they don’t do this to. Because nobody deserves this.

Hopefully I’ll find someone who wants to be open, and honest. Maybe one of these days I’ll have three nickels. I know my worth, and I know I’ll survive. 

Brandy Muz is an aspiring writer hailing from Saginaw, Michigan. She enjoys going to the gym, having fun with friends, and making people laugh. With her strength in stories, she hopes to spread joy by way of words.