With the release of Bruno Mars’ new album, The New Romantic, I’ve noticed a few patterns that have remained consistent throughout the course of his music career. The majority of his songs fit into five main categories.
The Sentimental Romantic
The classic sweet and sappy love song. It’s very vanilla, but vanilla is classic, so sometimes we all need a bit of vanilla in our lives. This type of song is a DJ’s top pick for a slow dance and is always a surefire hit on the charts. It includes “Just the Way You Are,” “Marry You,” “Count on Me,” and “Dance with Me.”
The Dirty Romantic
When Bruno Mars released his single “Fat, Juicy, and Wet,” many fans were shocked by the sheer amount of descriptiveness in the lyrics. But these listeners forget that this is the same artist who wrote the lines: “So many eager young bunnies that I’d like to pursue, now even though they’re eatin’ out the palm of my hand, there’s only one carrot and they all gotta share it.” This man has always had his mind in the gutter. While he seems to have dialed it down in his new album, there’s usually at least a sprinkle of Bruno Mars’ inner dirty romantic in the majority of his songs. However, to truly qualify for this category, the song needs to be mostly about doing the deed. Songs in this category include “Our First Time,” “Runaway Baby,” “Show Me,” “Gorilla,” and, of course, “Fat, Juicy, and Wet.”
The Sentimentally Dirty Romantic
This category of romantic may seem like whiplash because these songs can change the listener’s reaction from “awww” to “ummm” very quickly. It’s like watching a couple go from holding hands in the park to seeing them passionately making out on a bench that’s a little too close to the one you’re sitting on. The epitome of this category is “Versace on the Floor.” There are also the more toned-down versions like “Locked Out of Heaven” and “Moonshine” that maintain some of the sweetness of the sentimental category, but Grandma still wouldn’t approve of it being your first dance song at your wedding.
The Yearning Romantic
Look, Bruno, we get it, sometimes love is worth sacrificing for, but you may be taking it a bit too far. Searching all of New York for a girl you met once at a subway station, climbing a mountain just because a girl pointed to it, and trying to learn to fly? There’s no need to go and catch a literal grenade. Talking to the moon may be a sign of a deeper issue, so I’d suggest seeking some professional help. I’m only saying this because I’m concerned about your well-being. Popular songs in this category include “Risk it All,” “Talking to the Moon,” “Grenade,” and “Somewhere in Brooklyn.”
The Material Romantic
Bruno was showing off when making these songs. The mansion, the 24k diamonds, and the brand drop for his shoes. Songs like “That’s What I Like,” “24k Magic,” “Cha Cha Cha,” and “Leave the Door Open.” Flaunt that Cadillac to a girl who needs to be impressed. It’s not bragging if it’s in the name of love, right?
Keep in mind that there’s room to mix and match these categories. Bruno Mars’ music is art, and all art is subjective and complex. Still, I hope this helped you notice the patterns within his songs.