Lately, I’ve been working on myself a lot more. Quarantine has impacted my mental health, and personally, it has been for the better. I was able to realize what I was doing to myself, as well as what others were doing to me. Through this self-revelation, I’ve learned that everything comes with a price. I’m 19 years old and ever since I was 12 I have been waiting and begging for the future. Waiting for the day I’d wake up and everything would be fine, and I’d somehow be fine. Waiting to drop my feet off the edge of my bed into a pair of fuzzy slippers, and as I slide into the kitchen I see the person of my dreams cooking breakfast. I have eagerly been awaiting this day when I’d be an FBI agent, or an architect, or a business owner.
Now, the world feels like it’s ending. I know we will make it out of this, we as a species are insanely resilient, but the point is it looked like the end. It felt as if it was over for all of us, and for those who have lost people I hold immense sadness in my heart. My heart and my personal prayers go out to you. There’s a lesson in this, and I’m not saying that it’s right or fair, but it is there. The lesson that we are all terrified. Terrified to do what we actually want to do.
If you think about it, why haven’t you asked that cute guy in your class out? Why haven’t you pursued the field you are passionate about? My answer: what if….
What if he rejects me? What if my passion wasn’t the plan? What if I fail? Better yet, what if he likes you? What if your passion becomes the plan? What if you succeed? We weren’t made to meticulously plan out every part of life, and this time in solitude I have learned more than ever, life is short. Life is so short, so why would you spend yours living for somebody else? Why sit, holed away, making sure you don’t do anything that will get you made fun of.
My biggest fear is not embarrassment. It is that I will regret not going for something and look back and wonder what if. You will be told no. You will fail. But fail for something that matters, and every no is one step closer to a yes. A yes, that will seem like it was never going to show up on your doorstep. The only way to get to that yes, is to take the risk. Will you take the risk?