I don’t have it all memorized, so I’ll ask it as a question.
What did you do that made the worst of the worst smell like roses?
I don’t have the ability to sit and list your crimes
But I know they exist.
Imagine closing the book but the story continues without your permission
And all too soon the path ahead shows the details
Forgoing a career
Moving in
And so on.
All without your permission
No one else sees a problem with it.
They reassure you that this is the right thing
Tears feel inadequate
So you forget.
You leave, and then you forget it all.
And all that comes up are blurry views
Nightmares
Unaccompanied by reason.
You forget that he exists to other people
And every so often you are reminded
And there is no one to share the weight with.
Not really.
They listen sometimes
But the helpful ones just allow him to slip away
I lost my personhood.
I forgot so much about myself.