This is it. This is the last Her Campus at Michigan State University article I will most likely ever write. That’s a lot of pressure on one piece! But it’s so easy at the same time, because there’s so many ways I could go with this. I could talk about all my favorite Her Campus memories, I could talk about my favorite articles I wrote, I could talk about so much.
I want to focus on the most challenging times I had, because they are the parts that have helped me grow the most. I want to be the greatest person I can be, and in order to be that, I have to be my least favorite person at times. I have to be able to notice and own when I’m doing something wrong. It doesn’t make me a bad person, because no one is perfect, but if a weakness is never identified, then there’s no way to ever make it stronger. As I’ve analyzed my time at MSU, my core memories all have to do with when I messed up and became a better person and student for it.
I’ve learned so much more about how to be responsibly inclusive in my writing, and I’m still learning. We all have prejudices and biases on and off paper, but taking some time to really become aware of mine has helped me tremendously. I can have the best of intentions and still not realize something should be said in a different way. I’ve started researching more and talking more with perspectives different from mine before writing any kind of book.
I’ve found that the more perspectives, the better. I attended a webinar on how to avoid stereotypes when writing about Native Americans. I also attended a workshop about writing disabled characters. I learned from an author that she doesn’t like to use people’s first language personally because she likes to embrace her identity. She talked also about how to avoid metaphors such as “now that I’m blind, I can see the light.” There are so many phrases and sayings that I never read as offensive before. She really opened my eyes, and now I have a different approach to writing one of the disabled characters in one of my books. If I had never gone to that workshop, then I would’ve never known what I do now.
I also wrote a paper recently on Diversity, Equity, and InclusionI only to realize I was giving an opinion without research to back my points up. I was trying to show ways that DEI could be better, but it came across as just critiquing with no basis for it. I felt awful the more I thought about how it came across. To be honest, I really took it hard. But I’m glad I had someone who had a bit of sensitivity read it in the first place. As tough as it was to hear their take on it, it was honest, and I needed that. I spent so long revising. Diversity is something really important to me, but if there weren’t times when I went about it the wrong way in my writing, then there’s no way I’d ever get to a good way of doing it. I had to fail first.
Another thing I learned from a workshop is to lead my writing with empathy and recognize not every story is mine to tell. The speaker did an amazing job and talked about how she wrote a whole novel that she didn’t realize wasn’t hers to tell until later on. So, I see it as a positive that I notice where I go wrong before my novels are published. I think I am still learning and have a lot to learn before I reach my end goal.
I think sometimes when we hear inspiring messages and when we hear that making mistakes is good, we misinterpret it. Sometimes we tell ourselves this means we can make mistakes at things we don’t like, but that we still should be perfect at what our passion is. I always took it a little harder when I got the grade I didn’t want on an English test. Because in my mind, I was supposed to know writing well, but I think that the best work is done when you screw up with something you love. How else are you going to continue getting better at it?
I’m not going to lie. To this day, I still go back on all my blog posts, and I change them based on what I’ve learned. Not that long ago, I went and added a bunch of trigger warnings on some of the material, not realizing the lack of them could’ve harmed someone. We’re always improving in life as far as I can tell, and that’s okay. There’s no need to be ashamed of what you get wrong, as long as you own it and go on to correct it in the future.
The writers’ conference I went to was recent. I went not knowing anyone, and it was terrifying. I got to pitch to a literary agent in-person for the first time. Even after googling it, I still wasn’t sure what to do. The agent ended up asking for three chapters which is good, but there was a lot of awkward silence and I just didn’t see a lot of interest on her end. Despite the nice outcome, I wanted so badly to just run away in the middle of the pitch, convincing myself I didn’t belong there. It was bad enough that I started thinking about not publishing books for the first time since I got the dream at age four. But after getting supported by other writers, I reminded myself it was my first one. It was one person. I was 22, I said to myself, I had time. Sure, I could’ve exuded more confidence and pitched a better pitch, but I would do better on the next one at the next conference I was going to attend.
I just want to come out and say that even though I’m a writer, it doesn’t mean I’m always good at what I do. It doesn’t mean I’m always good at words. I can pick the wrong word. I’ve done it and will do it, but I’m becoming better by realizing these things.
I love Her Campus because our chapter has seen the whole me this entire time. It’s like that for everyone who is a part of the club. They may mess up, but we know their heart and we know their good intentions, and so it doesn’t affect how we see them. It feels good to know that when I make a mistake, those who really know me aren’t disappointed in me. They know me too well for that. Instead of going at me, they support me in those times and help me get on the right track. Her Campus is a place you can be yourself at. I tried not to cry at the last meeting reading all of the letters people wrote me. I appreciated them so much, and I had a realization.
All this time with graduation looming over my head, I’d been getting at myself for not being traditionally published yet. I was blaming myself, but then I asked myself again why I want to be published, and my answer has always been to impact people positively and save lives through my novels. I just want to help people, that is my sole motivation. In my dream Barbie world, all my money’s earnings go to organizations and nonprofits of my choice. When I read through the Her Campus cards, people were thanking me for my kindness and for being a good human and genuinely wanting to help people, and it made me emotional because it reminded me that I am not my mistakes. It reminded me that I already am fulfilling my purpose because I am helping people, published or not. And people see that – except for me sometimes.
So every time I have a bad moment, I tell myself I tried, and that I’ll try again tomorrow. And I’ve found that’s where most of my bravery comes from. It’s not during my wins. It’s from the times I’ve made mistakes and made the decision to continue going on afterwards.
And it’s never too late either. The speaker said she already published the book she said was never her place to write in the first place. And even though writing is so permanent and it’s out there, you can still own up to the mistake. Your character isn’t what you’ve made, but it’s why you made it and how you feel about your creation.
So thank you, HCMSU. Even when I go to my profile and look at some of my past articles, I can look at them and feel proud of what I wrote, even if they weren’t perfect. Thank you for making me a better writer along the way, for great friends and connections, and most of all, thanks for giving me an outlet for my passion of writing, and allowing me to impact people in my favorite medium. You helped me become not only a better writer, but a better person too. Thank you. Now, peace out!
Until we pen pal again,
Sydney, HCXO.