Thinking back to a year ago, I didn’t think fall of 2023 would be any good for me. I was losing a lifeline friend, and I was scared for the future. My old roommate was moving out, and I had come to rely on her. I was terrified of what was inevitably going to happen to me when the summer ended.
Through the stress, the tears, and the sad journal entries, I can say I was wrong. I anticipated so much misery that the result still blows me away. I had so much fun, and I can say with absolute certainty that I’m finishing up my best semester in college.
I loved the fall semester. And I can’t believe it’s already over.
So much has happened to me in so little time; I feel like I skipped through something. There’s no way things I looked forward to have already passed by. I sometimes struggle to accept just how fast everything is progressing.
And here I stand with a wistful look on my face. New friends, new spaces and new memories made all over the span of four months.
The biggest thing I was scared about was going in blind and getting three new roommates. I’m not a fan of change, especially when I’m comfortable. So when I got the assignment in 2022 to be placed with a group of friends, I thought the next year would be awful.
Now, they’re my close friends.
We clicked immediately. We planned things we wanted to do, we decorated the apartment I’ve lived in for almost two years now. What used to be bland and boring has so much personality and personal charm it’s crazy.
We even share items like food, and sometimes will cook meals big enough for everyone. Calling them “family meals,” we’ll sit at the dining table and eat together.
It’s something I’ve always wanted, and now I have. Even after all of the turmoil I went through, I feel like I belong. And I still feel comfortable and happy in my home.
All the things looked forward to are now done with people who make me laugh. They mesh well into my already established friend groups, and I have no issue blending into theirs either.
I got way more involved in my club, as I’m on the social media team and all of our platforms look so wonderful.
I’ve been in promotional material for the university, and am involved in multiple internal parts of the place I’ve called home.
I’m journaling again, and going back to therapy.
I’m a different person than I was last year. Although a lot of things look the same, I feel like I’ve matured and grown into myself more.
I’ve started going to the gym, and I’m also working three jobs. I publish articles across the state of Michigan each week. I’m busy and always have something to do. I want to claw my way back a year and tell the old me that things are amazing.
But I can’t go back. No matter how hard I try to manifest and save my past self a boatload of worries, it doesn’t work.
I’m so happy with my life right now, and tend to be a sentimental person. So even when I’m in a funk, depressed, or upset, I’m still living the life I always dreamed. I’m still on a path for success, no matter how scary looking forward to the future is.
Looking at all the small things helps immensely. I appreciate the small things, like hanging up Christmas lights with my roommate, Jessica.
Taking the bus back from work with my coworkers so we can talk longer. Going grocery shopping with everyone in the apartment, sharing our time together in all the different ways. Seeing my friends interact with each other, seeing the leaves change outside my window as my life changes indoors.
As I start my final spring semester of college I can admit I’m nervous. I’m scared of what will happen when I graduate, and sad to leave so many good friends behind.
However, the last four months have taught me that sometimes I psych myself out too much.
It’s taught me that change is good, even when it starts out rough and bumpy. You live through so much that you start to miss moments as soon as they pass. So right now I’m holding everything tightly with both of my hands.
My fall semester of 2023 will be something I talk about with my future children. And although thinking about that much time passing is scary, I know that it has to happen. And I’m content.