Both of my parents went to trade school. Sure, they spent a few semesters each on a college campus, but they ultimately decided to take different paths. They are both successful without their degrees and the masters of their respective ships, but the expectation for me has always been that I would go to a four-year college. I never objected. I still don’t. I liked the idea of pursuing higher education.
But I had no idea what to expect when I set foot on the Michigan State campus.
I felt like a five-hour drive had transported me to a different planet. I never had the opportunity to visit any colleges before I decided on one. So, I saw my new home for the first time on my assigned move-in day. My parents both helped me set up all of my belongings and we said a bittersweet goodbye. Despite missing them already, I was so excited that I thought I was going to burst. I felt like I was being dropped off at a never-ending summer camp. I met my roommate and a bunch of new friends and immediately started doing typical first-day-on-campus things with them. We rode the electric scooters, explored the campus, found the best dining halls, and walked around our floors looking for more friends. Everything was going swimmingly.
Not everything can be a piece of cake, though. College is supposed to be challenging for a reason and things I would struggle with were not far behind me. As the days and weeks went on, I was assigned actual work to do. My assignments were mostly taking my own notes and hoping that I was logging the correct information. Everything just took a long time to do, but it wasn’t necessarily hard.
But I was wrong. Things got harder and harder as my classes progressed and I did not take the time to acclimate to my growing pile of assignments. Keeping a planner can only do so much. But I didn’t know what else to do. I had no preparation for this. My parents had nothing that could help me. I felt as if I was alone on a sinking ship and I was the only one who could figure out how to keep everything afloat. It was just me, a toolbox, and a sinking ship.
The drowning feeling overwhelmed me as I also found myself fighting with those I love. The strains in my relationships from home did not help with my state of mind and I sank further into the sea. My assignments swirled around me as if they were taunting me, daring me to complete them. When I would stretch out to grab them, they were always just out of reach. But I keep lunging for them.
It’s hard to keep myself going sometimes. It’s harder to keep myself and my school work in line. But this is my ship and I am the one who needs to keep it afloat. I had no preparation for this chapter in my life, but that is what will make my success all the more satisfying. I tell myself that every day. This ship is mine. I must keep above the water. I have been slowly coming back up to the surface. I claw and fight my way back up to the sunlight. One by one, things get a little easier. My ship will float. I am determined to keep it that way.