I slowly put my phone down and tried to breathe slowly. In, out, in, out. I’d just gotten off the phone with my family, and the news wasn’t great. I wasn’t going to be able to come home for Thanksgiving for the first time ever. Everyone in my family is high-risk, including myself, and flying home would be a huge risk to everyone. And I’m not going to kid myself, we’re months into this pandemic and people are showing no signs of stopping their activities just because they get the virus; there’s no reason to expect that flying would be a safe activity. So I’m resigned to not getting to see my family, but I’m still upset. I haven’t seen them in 6 months because of the ongoing risks involved with travelling. My family lives across the U.S. from me so it’s not like I can just drive home on the weekend.
So now what?
After I had a good cry and ate some chocolate while wrapped in a blanket, I decided to do something to cheer myself up. With the help of my family, I made a little list of things to do every week of Thanksgiving so that I could still have some holiday cheer. Here’s how it went:
Day 1: Make a turkey and stuffing – That’s right, I made a whole turkey all by myself. I thought I would start off with the hardest thing so that I could enjoy the spoils of my labor all week. One of my favorite holiday meals is leftover turkey and stuffing. But let me just say that I was terrified. My first potential error was that I decided to recreate my family’s turkey method by memory instead of following a recipe. The second was that I started it way too late at night, so I was definitely in for some late-night basting times. It took a couple phone-calls home for advice to get the bird cooked right, and I definitely cried more than once, but it was delicious. I ate turkey in my pajamas at 1am and I was so involved with the turkey I didn’t have time to mourn what should have been my flight time that afternoon.
Day 2: Cocoa and movies – After class, drink cocoa and watch the old Rankin/Bass holiday movies for the first time. I was going to watch these with my aunt and uncle for the first time this year, and I was really bummed to be missing out. So after I finished my work for the day I got a big fluffy blanket, fancy hot chocolate (thank you, TikTok!), and cozied up with my dog to watch the old movies. I laughed and was merry, and it put me in the mood to start my Christmas gift list.
Day 3: Decorate a Tree – I’ve been away at college for 5 years now, and I’ve never decorated my own tree. I always talk my dad into getting our tree during Thanksgiving so we don’t have to rush around putting it up while I’m home for Christmas, and that’s one of the top things I feel like I’m missing out on this Thanksgiving. So, I went to Michael’s and got a $20 little tree, and made a day out of painting ornaments for it. Then I got out my favorite ugly Christmas sweater and had an Instagram moment in front of the tree.
Day 4: Make Holiday Cards – Classes are done for the week! I’m ready for a break. My aunt and I make holiday cards during Thanksgiving so that we can send them before Christmas. While I was at Michael’s getting the tree, I also picked up some card materials. I also picked up prints of some pictures I took of my Thanksgiving cactus to include in the cardmaking process. I made a dozen cards while marathoning the Hallmark channel, and I used Pinterest to find creative designs. Then it was off to the post office to put them in the mail, and Starbucks for an eggnog latte.
Day 5: Thanksgiving Traditions – My Thanksgiving must-haves are: charcuterie board grazing while watching the Macy’s Parade, a nap during the dog show, watching my favorite Thanksgiving movies: The Shining or The Nightmare Before Christmas (Because they’re half Halloween – half Christmas). And then a feast. I was lucky enough to be invited to my partner’s house for the meal so I got to dig in to some really good food. I finished off the day by facetiming my family so I could tell them that I’m thankful for them. I still miss them, but I know that Christmas will come quickly.
Day 6: Black Friday Shopping – Normally me and my high school best friend meet up for Starbucks and late-day Black Friday shopping. We don’t like getting up with the crowds, so we go later in the day. This year you won’t catch me anywhere near a crowded store, so I’ll be drinking coffee on the couch while I check off my Christmas list for my family and friends online. I like to set a budget, a wish-list, and then divide and conquer. I think that working on my handmade gifts for people while watching Elf is a great way to finish off the day.
Day 7: Self-care day – The holiday weekend is coming to an end, I’ll have to spend all of tomorrow getting a jump on homework and finals. So today is for spoiling myself a little. I’m going to sleep in, make myself pancakes, read a good book while I drink my coffee, and then take the dog for a walk. Then it’s back to the house for a nap, a home pedicure, takeout for dinner, and the day finishes with a bubble bath and more reading. I’m going to keep working on my NaNoWriMo novel until it’s time for bed, and reflect on the week.
All in all, this was the best thing I could have done for myself. By staying busy and doing things that I wanted to do, I couldn’t wallow in my grief for the holiday I’m used to having. That’s not to say I didn’t cry or feel sad, but I was able to keep my chin up. An unexpected positive I found was that if I’d left, I would have missed my Thanksgiving cactus blooming just like every year. This year it was the biggest and brightest it’s ever been. It’s been hard to stay positive, but it’s getting easier. I’ve been away from home for five years, it’s not not like I don’t know how to be an adult. But there’s another level of adulthood that comes with missing a holiday for the first time, and it’s heightened when you’re not missing it for a good reason.
I don’t know if anyone else does this, but at the end of Thanksgiving day I light a candle and blow it out to make a wish. I honestly don’t remember how it even started. If I have a spare piece of pumpkin pie on hand, I put the candle in that so that it’s almost like a birthday candle. I make a wish to keep the things I’m thankful for in the new year. This year my wish was a little different: I can’t tell you exactly what it was or it won’t come true, but it was something along the lines of the world coming back together someday soon so no one has to miss holidays with the people they love.