When people mention breakups, we often think of the heartbreak of losing a romantic partner or a significant other. We think of people over-indulging in alcohol or desserts to try to numb the pain of losing someone that they thought was “the one”. However, the breakup of a friendship can be just as painful, especially if it is sudden and not just caused by drifting apart over time. So how do you heal from the loss of someone who has been there for you through thick and thin for so long? I’m currently going through this, so I’m still figuring it out. But let me share some tips that have helped me to deal with my grief and will hopefully help me to move on.
- Accept and validate your feelings: This person meant a lot to you so it’s okay to feel sad, hurt, angry, shocked, or any other emotion that comes from losing their friendship. It might take days, weeks, months, or even years to process that they are gone from your life, or that they will not be in your life in the same capacity that they were before. That’s okay. Don’t feel like a crybaby or drama queen if you shed tears over them, that’s just proof that they were someone that you valued and cared about.
- Remember that life will go on: Even if losing this person seems like the end of the world, just remember that in time, you will figure out how to live your life without them by your side. Don’t forget to make time to do things that you enjoy, even if these are things that you have fond memories of doing with them. You deserve to be happy and have fun, even if it’s harder without them around.
- Distract yourself: If the memories and feelings of sadness are too much for you right now, take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try. If those kinds of activities don’t interest you, go out with your friends to dinner or to a party. If you’re more of an introvert, try reading a book that you’ve never gotten around to, or explore a new genre of music. Remember that there are plenty of ways to make life fun and exciting, even when it seems so sad and lonely.
- Allow yourself to hold onto the good: Maybe this friendship ended because of a misunderstanding or a miscommunication. Maybe they betrayed you. Maybe you hurt them without meaning to. Whatever the reason that you parted ways, remember that it is okay to reminisce about this person sometimes. If they taught you something, showed you a cool new place to hang out, or introduced you to music, books, and movies that you love, it’s okay to revisit those things. You don’t have to stop enjoying them just because they are associated with this person, and you should remind yourself that it is okay to celebrate the happy memories you made with them.
- Learn from it: Think about all the time you spent with this person. Were there little things that you didn’t like about them that just added up? Did you have communication problems from the very start? Did they talk badly about other people but you just ignored it because it was fun to gossip with them? Remember these red flags or personality traits that are incompatible with you, and try to recognize them in other people. There’s always something to take away from a loss like this, even if it’s hard to find at first.
So, if you have just gone through this painful process, just remember that it is all going to be okay. You will find a new person to share laughs and tears with, to make new inside jokes with, to spend your weekends with. It’s hard to get over someone who you valued, appreciated, and maybe even loved like they were your own family. But there are ways to recover from the heartbreak and emerge from this as a better version of yourself. It’s gonna be fine.