Last winter, I had a tough conversation with myself: why do I shave? It’s a question that would vaguely cross my mind, but I never landed on a solid answer. When I hit puberty, my mom and grandma showed me what to do and that is what I’ve done my entire life. But why? What is so bad about having hairy legs or hairy underarms? Why is it a norm for women to shave their legs and underarms but not men? My dad has never shaved his legs or underarms – neither have my grandpa, uncles, or brother. Of course, the answer, apart from one thing, lies within the patriarchal norms that still plague society.
Femininity is an individualized form of expression – there is no right or wrong way to express your femininity. However, having a bald body is rooted in the overall social construct of what it means to be a man or woman. While sex refers to a person’s biological status, which is generally categorized as male, female, or intersex, gender is multi-dimensional and can evolve over a person’s life. Gender Spectrum explains gender in three dimensions: body, identity, and social gender. Some background on gender is important to understand where the stereotypical feminine characteristic of shaving comes from.
The first dimension, our bodies, is often gendered in agreement with the cultural expectations we are raised in. For instance, when a parent discovers the sex of their baby, they may hold a “gender reveal” party. In these events, the parent is equating the genitals of their baby to the actual “gender” of their baby. However, this may not be true for the baby because gender is an individual phenomenon. But the way in which our bodies are gendered by other people can impact how we personally feel about ourselves.
The second dimension of gender is identity. Each person has their own experience with gender identity and chooses to describe their identity however they see fit. As discussed by Gender Spectrum, “the words someone uses to communicate their gender identity may change over time; naming one’s gender can be a complex and evolving matter”. It’s important to emphasize this because of the limited vocabulary there is to describe such a complex, individualized identity. For reference, here’s some information on the language of gender.
Finally, there is social gender, which is multi-layered. It includes gender expression, gender roles, and gender expectations. This is where it becomes difficult to imagine a world without gender because it is so ingrained in our culture. In our society, almost everything is assigned a gender, including toys, colors, and even skin – women should shave their legs, but men shouldn’t; women should shave their underarms, but men shouldn’t. The way others view social identity can make a large impact on what others feel comfortable expressing in public.
The idea that shaving makes someone more feminine is entangled with the societal ideal that it is just something that women do, and men don’t. It’s one of the many characteristics that society has created to keep the binary of men and women in a neat little box. Obviously, this isn’t true. Stereotypical characteristics of being feminine or masculine don’t decide who we are – only we decide who we are. Unfortunately, sometimes these norms are hard to break away from. When I stopped shaving last year, I had to decide whether I wanted to shave my underarms when I began to wear a bikini regularly in the summer. I went back and forth between “I am comfortable like” and “I don’t want people to judge me.” As much as I wanted to not shave my underarms, it was the latter that ultimately made me decide to shave them. I just didn’t feel ready to flaunt my hairy armpits all around the beach (as much as I really wanted to). The first couple of days at the beach, I spent too much time thinking about what other people were thinking about me instead of just living in the moment.
Even though I wasn’t successful in completely breaking the norm of being a hairless cat, I learned so much about myself and society along the way. For me, it was true – I shaved my underarms and legs because I thought it was something I needed to do to feel feminine. To my surprise, I felt more feminine not shaving because I was finally doing what I wanted, and that’s how I describe my femininity: doing whatever I want. Before, I was shaving because it’s just what I was taught to do. Now, I shave when I want and I’m hoping next summer I’ll feel comfortable at the beach. I encourage everyone who has shaved their entire life to stop for a month or two and see what you can find out about yourself.