My now ex-boyfriend and I had dated for exactly four years. I met him when I was a sophomore in high school and he was a junior. We lived in the same county and our schools would compete against each other in sports. Of course with having such a long relationship at such a young age, there were bound to be plenty of fights; both silly and serious. I thought that it was perfect that we both were going to attend MSU, however, I was sadly mistaken.
Our relationship ended this year on our four year anniversary. I remember it happening very fast. It was a storm of harsh words and emotions. My friends immediately came and got me out of the house as I went into a full blown panic attack. At that moment I realized that all of the time and energy I had put into something for four years was going up in flames right before my eyes. I knew that I was not safe on campus and needed to leave. My mom made the 3 hours and 24 minute drive to come pick me up and stay with me at our cousin’s house the rest of the weekend. I was a wreck. I barely ate, slept, or talked. I dreaded the fact that I needed to go back to school after the weekend was over.
Once I arrived back to campus, my first thought was how I was going to get through the rest of the school year. Thankfully, I was sharing a dorm with one of my best friends since kindergarten. I truly believe that if it were not for her and another friend I had met in college, I would still be in that toxic relationship. I knew that through my roommate I had at least one person supporting me that I could see and speak with everyday. As days went by I felt that I was just going through the motions. I never realized until months later that this big of a breakup doesn’t just affect you, but those around you as well. I was having much deeper conversations with my parents, siblings, cousins, and friends and it changed our relationships.
I needed to get myself out of the funk that I was stuck in, so I decided to utilize the therapy program that MSU provides for every student. It was one of the best decisions I could’ve made at that time. Being able to hear an unbiased opinion of my situation and receive advice on how to move forward from, really, a complete stranger benefited me in so many ways. I finally gained the confidence to open up to one of my professors about what I was going through and the constant support I got from her for the rest of the semester was extremely helpful and comforting.
As the semester came to an end, I was relieved to finally go home for summer break. I was going to be around some of my closest friends and family for the next three months. Summer break was when I believe I truly started the healing process. Of course, I had some time at the end of the school year, but without assignments, projects, and exams to worry about I felt relaxed. I had gained this new sense of freedom and independence and it was amazing. I met so many new people and experienced so many new things. This last summer was the best I had felt in months.
As summer break came to an end, there was only one thing lingering in my mind. What will I do if I see my ex-boyfriend back on campus? With this thought constantly in my head, I sent myself back into a panic. It felt as if I was taking steps backwards in my healing process. The pain and trauma from the relationship was flooding every other thought in my head. I did, however, feel at ease knowing that he didn’t know where I lived now and we wouldn’t have any classes together.
Now with this semester coming to an end, I can say that the initial feeling of worry and panic has greatly diminished. At this stage of my healing process I feel good with where I’m at. No matter how long you and your significant other date for, or who broke up with who, it still sucks if you break up. Many, like myself, feel that it is the end of the world and you will never feel happy again. I can confidently say that I have never felt better, and I have found a new love for myself during this year.