My parents came to this country over 20 years ago, bringing with them the traditions and cultures of Northern India. They had quite the culture shock when they arrived here, faced with unknown concepts like peanut allergies, car seats, and of course, Thanksgiving.
My entire extended family still lives in India, and our communication is limited. I’ve met my cousins maybe 5 times in my life, and most of them have never been to the United States before. And as a vegetarian family, our Thanksgiving dinners were far from traditional. I still remember in kindergarten, long before vegetarianism was cool, when we had to draw what our families ate on Thanksgiving. Ashamed to admit we just ate regular Indian food that as a 5 year old I didn’t know how to explain, I drew a pizza. Even my teachers were quick to tell me that was wrong, and that “you’re supposed to eat turkey on Thanksgiving.” I’ve never been much for tradition, so I never saw the point. We got creative on Thanksgiving in my house, finding random recipes on the internet and making those instead of turkey, which I’ve been told isn’t even that exciting. Thanksgiving never really meant anything to me. For 12 years, it was just a time of the year where I got 4 days off from school.
But for anyone with longstanding American roots, Thanksgiving is the time to get together with family you haven’t seen all year and share a meal together. For some, it’s a time filled with fear as queer teenagers prepare to face their homophobic relatives, or when political differences clash uncomfortably. Every Thanksgiving horror story I’ve ever heard has led me to question more and more: why do we have to spend Thanksgiving with family?
Shows like The Vampire Diaries popularized the concept of “Friendsgiving”, which honestly sounds better than a night of football and family drama ever could. For the other Indians where I grew up who didn’t have their extended families with them, that’s what we’ve been doing for years: a potluck and a joint family dinner with the people we’re actually thankful for. Because not everyone wants to drive several hours to share a meal with family they may not want to be around. And maybe it’s time we stop pretending like we should.