Disclaimer: In this article, I talk briefly about drinking alcohol and how it affected my mental health. I understand that addiction and abusing chemical substances is an issue that should be taken seriously, and I do not and will not support abusing alcohol or any other substance to feel something.
When I first started drinking, I couldn’t carry a conversation with my friends without crying about something that popped into my head. Most of the time, that thing wouldn’t even be related to what my friend and I were talking about in the first place. I would tear up about the slightest inconveniences, past poor decisions, and unpleasant memories. I would also cry about how passionate I was about the career I wanted to pursue in my future. This time in my life was really telling about what was going on in my brain; some might say that I was a cry-baby who needed to cut back on her liquor. While a part of that might be true, I think the more important and maybe less obvious issue was that I was battling major depression, and I was going through a lot of things mentally at the time. I wasn’t allowing myself to experience those emotions during my sober thoughts. I only let myself feel my feelings when I was under the influence of something else and I had no choice but to do so.
To be blunt about it, I didn’t feel valid enough to have emotions just as any other human does, whether they were happy, sad, angry, or anything in between. I had this understanding that because it seemed like nobody else wore their hearts on their sleeves or told their stories with their feelings, I shouldn’t either. I especially caved to this way of thinking during the daytime when I was supposed to be a “normal,” “high-functioning adult” who was more or less always happy. I want to challenge that, and I want to challenge people to feel their feelings as they come and go.
It can be extremely difficult to embrace mental states the way they are. If a person is uncomfortable being in an upset state of mind, it will be so much more of a challenge embracing and acknowledging their anger for a little bit. In the same sense, a person who is not used to being confident and empowered will find it awkward to accept those feelings. Eventually, it is necessary to find a happy medium, so that person doesn’t give in to being enraged or arrogant in their everyday life. Some self-reflection and probably some calming techniques could be needed to keep an overall healthy mentality and a positive outlook on life in general. It isn’t a bad idea to set limits for yourself to make sure you don’t get too angry or heartbroken to the point of unhealthiness. Everyone should keep their support systems close so they can help you out in those times if necessary, too. If your roommate ate your last birthday cupcake and you’re pissed about it, be pissed about it. If you worked really hard and put A+ effort into a job application and they call you in for an interview, you’re allowed to be ecstatic. There is something to be said about picking yourself up afterward and keep moving forward, but in that moment, feel all of your feelings!
This might be a confusing article to read, being that most of your life, you were probably told not to cry about everything and not to scream at people when they don’t treat you the way you’d like to be treated. I would agree that sobbing in a lecture hall and yelling at your professor about your grades in front of your classmates is probably not the best look and will likely do more harm than good, but when you get home or see your friend later that day and your stress is overwhelming, try to just let it go. Cry a little if you feel like you need to. In the same sense, when a person you have a crush on texts you and tells you you’re cute, don’t hold back talking about it to your loved ones because you don’t want to “jinx” it and sound too excited. Be overjoyed about it. Life is filled with a rollercoaster of emotions and nobody is always meant to feel content.
Go back and read that sentence again. You will not feel content at all points in your life, and that is okay. You will never feel the same feeling twice, the same way. You will feel happiness, despair, infuriation, and satisfaction in waves and degrees that will never precisely match each other. You will never feel the same exact feeling twice, and that is okay. In fact, that’s normal. That’s life. So, if we won’t feel the same exact feeling ever again, why don’t we experience them to the fullest potential? If we are truly, madly, deeply in love with someone, why don’t we embrace that feeling until we can’t anymore? If something upsetting and depressing happens, why don’t we fully process and experience it for what it is and appreciate the fact that it brought us such a strong emotion and that it brought us something other than no feelings at all?
I just want to remind you that you’re allowed to experience an emotional rollercoaster sometimes. The things that you go through and the feelings that your lived experiences provide to you are there for a reason, and you are valid for wanting to feel a certain type of way about a certain situation. I genuinely want people to feel comfortable in their own skin and with their own thoughts, and one way we can do that is by embracing our feelings as they come and appreciating them as they go. I challenge you to go out of your comfort zone and feel a feeling to its fullest potential that you never have before. Cry to sad songs in your bed, dance around your apartment to 80’s music, rant to your friend about the shitty grade you got on your math exam last week.
Embrace your feelings no matter what because that’s what they’re there for – to be felt.