Depression is a deep, dark, and scary thing. It can make you feel completely alone, even if you have a million friends. Depression can isolate you, it’s like a dark cloud that reaches out and pulls you away from everything and everyone you love, trapping you in bed or trapping you in your head. Depression holds you down, like a hand holding you under water and only letting you up for air every so often.
To people who don’t have depression, it seems like it’s an only every once-in-a-while type thing, people with depression only have major funks and then move on. This may be true for some, but even if you only have major depressive episodes, depression is always there. Depression is there when you are having a great day, having fun and full of love. Then, depression rolls in, not like a storm cloud, but like a shadow who comes up and whispers in your ear. It tells you that you’re not good enough, that your friends and family are disgusted by you. It ruins any sunny day that you were having. Nothing triggers it or something small triggers it, it doesn’t have to be a horrible experience for depression to swoop in. It could be a comment that you hear passing by that causes your head to think.
It’s even harder when you’re in class or at work. You have to continue your day like nothing is wrong, since most workplaces and classes don’t accept mental health as a reason to leave yet. You have to continue to work and listen while the dark shadow has a hand around your throat, telling you that no one cares, no one would care if you got up and left the earth right now.
I promise, that is not the case. That dark shadow is not your friend, they aren’t on your side, and they are lying to you. People care about you, people love you. You might think “no one would care if I just never came back to work, the work would still get done.” but what about that co worker who you say good morning to everyday and asks you how you are? They will be heartbroken to see your desk empty, who will they talk about their new kitten to? You might think that “my friends will be sad, sure, but I can be replaced,I’m not needed in our friend group,” but then who would make that witty joke that no one but you could think of? You might think you’re failing in school, you’re disappointing your parents. I promise that’s not the case, your professors care about you, no matter the grades you get, your parents love you, no matter what, and if they don’t? Congrats, I’m your new mom and I love you.
If this is your first semester at college, or your tenth, remember: you have people who care about you, you’re not alone.
If you or a loved one needs help, call 1-800-273-8255. You can also chat with a professional at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ or https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/
Reach out, there are people who love you.
HCXO, Erika
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