There is a time in people’s life when you ask yourself “why? What is happening? What is going on with me? “That time when you don’t understand anything. When you just cannot find a way out. When you just do not know what to do except think. Think and walk. Think until your brain hurts and your heart bleeds. Might sound a bit hard or extreme. However, that is how it is. Sometimes we have to face the fact that we might not like the answer to our question. Or even worst, face the fact that there might not be an answer. Do not get me wrong, you may also go walking because you are happy and want to go out there and see the world; or maybe because you just fell like walking. But the point is that walking is, sometimes, a way of facing problems. One of the many ways there are to face problems or trying to find what we love calling “a solution”. Or sometimes you just stand there, waiting for it to come someway, somehow; like the female on Julio Reyes painting.
When I was a little child and my mum was sad, angry or confused, she would leave the house and take a walk around our neighborhood. For about an hour, she merely walked. When my stepbrother has anxiety or moments of depression, he goes and walks around the backyard. Walks and walks, over and over again. Like trying to find an answer. Like trying to find help. Like trying to find something. Sometimes he cried. Other times he just laughs or doesn’t say anything. But other times, he just stands there, with a smile on his face that I still can’t identify its reason or meaning. Just standing there, smiling; just like the female on the painting. I have always thought that situations have many sides, like a cube or a dice. Not only do situations have this asset; but attitudes contain this as well. We may think in a very simple and straight line. Standing and letting life pass by your eyes. Solely standing and waiting for things to happen. But, as I realized with the things that have happened to me in my life, there is more to “stand” that “just standing”.
The female in the painting has a submissive attitude, and I notice that as she not only staring, but staring at the ground. She is smiling, but in an eerie manner, a warm yet gray smile. A smile that I can’t identify if it comes out of happiness, relief, regret, revenge, memories (either happy or bitter-sweet) or, perhaps, resignation. The motive behind the smile is a mystery. The expression on her face looks like she is about to cry almost. But at the same time, you can see her happy; as well as you can see her thoughtful. Maybe something sad happened and she is remembering the past with sadness, regret but also the good moments that make her smile even know. And, above all, knowing that it was the best thing that could have happened. The best thing she could have done. She might also fell regret for what ever happened. She might be thinking what she did wrong, how bad she feels and how bad things were at the end and how bad things ended. But she is also thinking and remembering the good times and how good she felt with melancholy and nostalgia because that ended and is not like that anymore. Maybe she feels guilty for leaving for whatever reason. Perhaps she left to not face that situation or because she had to or she just wanted to. She things about what the other person (if there is another person) did or didn’t do. How the other person made her feel and how she made the other person feel. She might be also pondering how situations in her life have reached such a level of intensity that she had to leave or made her feel like she had too. She thinks about how thing could possibly end like this. She reflects about her actions, feelings, thoughts and what she could have done or not. Endless thoughts running through her mind due to what might have occurred or what she felt, a motivation she had, she left and walked. She walked away. She walked away and though she thought a lot I think that there is a point in life when you get tired of thinking and you just stop. You do not know why, but you stop, or maybe you do; but don’t want too or can’t recognize it. Or maybe you do recognize it but don’t know what made you stop and what made you stand still were you are. Or, perhaps, you do and decide to follow the impulse of stopping and you do. And you just stand there. Like the female in the picture. Nobody knows where they might end up. Matin Bubir said, “Every journey has a secret destination of which the travelers are unaware”. Above all, a journey is a process of development. A gradual passing from one state to another regardless as more advisee. We have to know that we are not alone that we have never been alone. In order to see the people, that surrounds us that may be of help, we have to learn how to see in every sense. We have to be able to see them too, so they can see us. We have to view them like a musician, for example Amanda Palmer, who saw the man on the street when she was working as a living statue. They looked at each other. We must try turning things into our favor. Transmuting things and not letting them destroy us. Doing that for our own evolution and by consequence, evolution of everybody else. We have to do what Rupi Kaur (a famous writer) did when she was sexually abused. She turned things around and did not let that situation hurt her more. She took her body back. In one of her poems (called “I’m taking my body back”) she said, “You can’t take it. There is no space for you, no welcome mat, and no extra bedrooms. I am opening all the windows, airing it out. Putting roses in a vase in the middle of that kitchen table, lighting a candle, loading the dishwasher with my thoughts until they’re spotless, and then, I plan to step into the bathtub, wash yesterday out of my hair, put music on, sit back, put my feet up, and enjoy this typical Thursday”. We must learn to enjoy life in its entire splendor.