Hope is what’s killing me and hope is what’s keeping me alive.
Human emotions are a myriad of complex, interwoven feelings that take us on a rollercoaster ride. At times, this coaster rises us to the apex, and at other times, it dips down low. We commonly refer to the former as joy, and the latter as sorrow– these are merely words used to encapsulate the intricacies that flow through our veins. In truth, human emotions can be euphoric, tumultuous, envious, enraged, estranged – so much more than words can express. Regardless of whether a person is experiencing positive or negative emotions, these emotions remain personal and individually processed.
Some people are better at conveying their emotions than others. They can process their thoughts and communicate them with their loved ones, irrespective of the type of emotion. They find pleasure in expressing their joy, and solace in sharing their sorrows. Others may turn to some form of creative outlet as a means of self expression- through dance, music, or art. Not only is this a healthy way of dealing with emotions, but it also provides an avenue for someone else going through a similar thing to feel connected. On the other hand, some individuals prefer to keep their emotions bottled inside, taking one day at a time, and facing each day in solitude. Perhaps, to them, they believe it’s worth dealing with their own challenges rather than burdening someone else with it. No matter how we choose to express our emotions, we all believe the same thing: time will eventually heal everything.
Typically, when a person is facing difficulties in one aspect of their life, they likely seek comfort in something brilliant happening in another aspect of their life. As science teaches us so vehemently from elementary school, the negative and the positive cancel each other out, or at least to some extent when it concerns human emotions. We choose to focus on the brighter things to wash away the pain and sorrow from times we’ve felt hurt. But what about the times when you feel like nothing is going right in your life? What about instances when you face rejection after rejection – perhaps from your workplace, your partner, or even your health? What about when the one constant in your life, where you have always excelled, also turns its back on you? That’s when reality strikes and you spiral into a labyrinth of conundrum, questioning yourself, “Why me?” You find yourself trapped between a rock and a hard place with no glimmer of hope in sight.
During times like this, communicating with your loved ones can become a challenge for some. Each time someone says, “Stay hopeful, it’ll get better soon,” you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs, wondering why that ‘soon’ is not soon enough. You find your steps faltering, blaming yourself, and wondering if you’ll ever overcome this. The worst of it all is donning a brave facade to face the world, even when you are dying inside: playing a game of pretend for the ones around you. You tell yourself that you are fine, and you smile your prettiest smile, yet once you go back home, your eyes can’t seem to stop the waterworks. You might attempt to distract yourself with work, or if you’re a spiritual person, you might try and find solace in prayers, or even seek to detach yourself from these feelings of hopelessness and despair. You may reflect on whether you’ve ever harmed someone – either consciously or subconsciously – questioning if this is just karma collecting its dues.
You wait and you hope. You hope and you wait, trying to shake off this feeling. You yearn to be happy, to feel better, and you wish to wear your prettiest smile once again – but this time with genuine joyfulness in your heart. And just like that, you wake up one morning and declare to yourself, “Today is going to be a wonderful day!” Those eight words work like magic, as if the pieces of the puzzle have suddenly fallen into place. The knots begin to loosen, the dominoes start to fall, and you sense a weight lift from your shoulders. Remarkably, you gaze at the universe and find yourself appreciating everything more, as your troubles dissolve into a void.
Through all forms of adversity, human beings are quite adept at hoping. We continuously hope that somehow, or somewhere, the tide will turn and everything will become better. Even if you don’t see it now – even if it requires months and months of waiting – positive things have a way of finding their way to you, especially when you least expect it. I suppose this article was my outlet for venting out some of the frustrations I’d been feeling for the last couple of weeks. I want this to be a reminder to myself and hopefully, for the reader, that there truly lies light at the end of the tunnel, even if it may not seem like so. So, take a moment to breathe, let yourself feel the pain if you need to, keep your head down, and focus on the stuff you can control. Remember, you are following the footsteps of many who’ve walked the same path before you. Even if it seems redundant, trust me, the rollercoaster ultimately reaches a peak again.