Dear Depression,
How have you been? I would say it’s been a long time since we last talked, but we talk every minute of every day. Why? Who knows. When did we become “friends”? About five years ago. How did you get into my life? You decided to creep up on me when shit at school started to get difficult. I could never put a word to what I was feeling until you came into my life. And you know, I’m well aware that you don’t just affect me. There are many people you are “friends” with. Why do you do this to people? What did we ever do to deserve this?
We are have a special friendship, though. This is because you are undiagnosed. Normal people like to diagnose you and try to get rid of you. We are different. I haven’t seen any specialists, any therapists, nothing. I’m not trying to get rid of you, even though I want you out of my life. Other people have special pills to help make you go away. Not me, old friend. You and me are partners from here to the end. If I’m being honest, I don’t want you to leave. You’ve become a part of me that if I didn’t have you, I’m not sure who I would be. I’ve gotten so used to your presence in my life that we have just become one.
People try to tell me we can’t be friends because we haven’t been formally introduced, meaning you haven’t been diagnosed yet. But I know you are there with me when no one else is. We go hand in hand like Joker and Harley, Oberon and Titania, Daisy and Gatsby, so on and so forth. Basically, we have a fucked up relationship. More of a friendship if I really had to put a title on whatever this is.
I actually want to thank you. You give me a sense of reality in this world of optimism. As you know, I hate optimism. I feel I get disappointed too easily and then my expectations get lower and lower. But with you, you give that to me already. You make it so that I’m expected to be disappointed, but as pleasantly surprised when I’m not even the slightest disappointed. I also want to thank you for helping me become who I am, but for some unknown reason, sadness is a comfort for me. It gives me a sense of who I am, and it ties me back to the real world (but fuck you for doing that at random times).
Well, Depression, this is where I leave you for now. Who am I kidding though, you’re always around. It’s more of a “see you after I’m done typing this article.” Either way, I know that you will always be here whether I like it or not, so I might as well get used to it.
Sincerely, your old lifelong friend,
Krystal