There is no arguing the classic statement that breakups are hard. As a girl who went through a breakup with her long-term boyfriend months before leaving for college, I have become a self-proclaimed expert on navigating the hard road to healing after a split. With Thanksgiving and Christmas break approaching for college students across the country, it also becomes time for the hard reunions with partners from past relationships. Every breakup poses the tough question: Should you stay friends with your ex? I am a firm believer that the answer is always no.
When you are in a relationship, you build dependency on your partner. While this level looks different for every relationship, there is still dependency in some form. After a split, it can be hard to find your footing on your own without that person to depend upon. The period after a breakup is prime time to find yourself again and grow on your own. When you remain friends with your ex, it is hard to fully separate from them, therefore making the healing process even more challenging than it would have been before. Breaking the cycle of dependency only gets harder if your ex remains in your life, even just as a friend. The old saying “out of sight, out of mind” may sound cliché, but in a situation like this, it is completely applicable.
For some, they feel that having their ex in their life in any capacity is better than having no contact with them at all. This is an extremely common first reaction to a fresh breakup, especially in long-term relationships, where it seems hard to live without your partner, since being with them has been your norm for so long. When you remain friends with your ex, it feels like that chapter of your life is still open. When the door is still open, it is hard to fully close it and move on. I am a firm believer that the only way to truly heal is to let the door close completely and begin spending time with yourself. While it will be hard to live a life without your partner at first, you will thank yourself later when they are no longer on your mind months down the line.
Cutting ties with your ex entirely does not have to be a bad thing. You can remain on good terms with your ex, but staying close friends can only create sticky situations. Focus on strengthening your other relationships, like those with your best friends and family members. Those relationships mean more than the one with your ex does. Although going no contact with your ex can be a tough pill to swallow, it only gets harder to heal when you do not allow yourself to spend time alone. Remaining friends with your ex creates unnecessary stressors in an already stressful period of your life. Give yourself the time to be alone, and remember that the universe will work in your favor and make your life only more prosperous.