Senior year; four years have officially passed by, and I will soon be walking the stage. Afterwards, I will run to the arms of my friends and finally get to post a cute graduation picture of my boyfriend and me side by side. I get to explore NYC to its fullest before going back home. 2026 was going to be my year. My sister gave me a pink notebook where I wrote my goals and resolutions to finally be the best person I could possibly be.
Life is unpredictable.
At the beginning of the spring semester, I thought I finally had everything I could ever want and need. Then, I slowly lost it all until it felt like there was nothing left for me. Why me, why now? I didn’t have a good senior year in high school, and it felt as if I was being robbed of it again.
I became the worst version of myself.
I couldn’t remember why I wanted to come to New York City in the first place, four years ago. It wasn’t until I went home for Easter break that I discovered the major mistake I had made. My friends had poured so much love on me that week, taking me out to eat, paying, calling me every day and night, texting me at four a.m., validating my feelings, and listening to my long rants.
I had put so much pressure on other people to fill a void I didn’t notice had replaced something I lacked: love. I was worthy of love.
When I came back to NYC, I began to do everything I used to enjoy. I got up to do my make-up and get dressed because it didn’t matter if anyone saw me; I saw myself, and I looked pretty. My friends and I had started a book club, reading all the books that are getting banned; I forgot how much I loved to read. I don’t have many friends, but I pour my time into them and never say no to an adventure. I made a playlist of happy music and danced.
We often forget the power we have over ourselves. I had faced so much loss in my life; I forgot to look at what was actually in front of me. My friends reminded me of the love I could receive and pour out. I didn’t want to go to graduation, but now I can’t wait to wear my matching ring and steal with my best friend and go to that one karaoke bar where I sang “Manchild” by Sabrina Carpenter with Max.