I am someone who struggles a lot with forgetting what people have done to me, even the smallest of things. I know in my mind that certain things should be let go and that I am being dramatic in being so upset over them, but I always have that nagging voice in the back of my head. I don’t always believe this is a negative thing though.
You shouldn’t allow angry feelings to overtake your life and drive these people away from you if they are genuinely seeking forgiveness, only if the action they committed is something that is forgivable though. If you let anger drive you, you’ll never truly find the happiness you deserve. It’s not your fault that someone hurt you, so don’t let it ruin you. Control what you can control.
Not forgetting doesn’t mean that you’re constantly angry at the person. In my opinion, it’s good to remember the grievances you have against people because if actions are repeated or committed to someone else you know, it shows you who a person truly is and what they are capable of. An apology means nothing if the action is done again and again and again.
In my own life, I had a friend throughout middle school and high school who would go out of her way to make small jabs at me. We’d be in a nice conversation, and she’d randomly throw in “Wow, you need to get your hair done” or say to a common friend, “She’s not as fun as me”. Our friendship, in her eyes, was a constant competition to be the very best of the pair. Not to be the best duo, but to be the best person in that duo.Â
Half of the comments I let go right past me, dismissing them as misheard statements or ones that weren’t truly meant. The other half always resulted in her apologizing half-heartedly and saying, “It was never my intention to do that. I’m sorry that you feel that way”. I began to notice how the apologies always came, but the comments never stopped. And the apologies were never truly real. It was like she was only apologizing because I felt hurt, not that she felt bad for hurting her close friend’s feelings.
Although this person was my best friend and someone that I relied on for many years, I found myself losing that friendly love I had for her. I did forgive her for most of what she said, but I will never forget it unless I see a true change in her character and how she treats those around her.Â
Unless change is truly seen and fought for, I think it is a perfectly fair idea to never forget the things that people have done because that is a part of who they are as a person.